Already?

We entered a new stage with Tanner this morning and I'll confess that I probably didn't respond as I should have. I burst out laughing. I didn't realize we were to "that place" quite yet.

At the library I always allow him to push the magic handicap button to open the doors. Today he wanted to push it again to close it. I explained that we had to allow it to close by itself because the button only opens it.

He didn't like that response. He crossed his arms over his chest, furrowed his eyebrows, stalked to the car and said, "whatEVer." I stopped dead in my tracks, certain that I had misheard. I asked him to repeat himself. "I saaaaaid 'whatEVer!!'"

Mommy and Kinley apparently need to watch their tongues...

For Annabelle

Kinley colored these for her cousin Annabelle. The first page represents her living closer to her cousin (and an alien friend--a drawing of Kinley that went awry, so became an alien). The second page is Annabelle/Rapunzel.

For Lucy

I couldn't resist posting these. Kinley drew these for her cousin Lucy this afternoon. Am I naughty and cheap because I sent them via email instead of in an envelope? You can't see the caption at the top very well, but it says "I 'heart' Loosssey. Lav, Kinley" Oh yeah, Kinley says this next picture is a banana. She's a very abstract artist.

Kids and Car Sickness

You are probably thinking this is going to be some gross and detailed post about my one of my children puking in the new mini-van. No. It's a description of how my octopi make me feel.

I find that the Lord humbles us in interesting ways sometimes. I have always loved every nudge, wiggle, squirm, kick and punch during pregnancy. I know that not everyone feels that way, especially in the middle of the night, but such has been my previous experience.

Gone are the tender moments that I remember from Kinley and Tanner: a well-placed kick up high. Then a few minutes later a sweet little nudge down low. Then out to the right. Then a little fishy squirm as the baby turned over. Sometimes in a stretch I'd get a nudge on opposite sides of the belly and it would make me laugh. Then they would sleep. I'd nudge them, hoping they'd wake up and play some more, always disappointed when he/she didn't respond. It occupied me during boring lunch hours and helped pass the time during sleepless nights. It was as reassuring as it was entertaining.

Which brings us to the twins. I'm so beyond that right now. I get it. I GET IT!!! Since my placenta is so big and takes up 1/3 of the front of my stomach on the right side, I have been spared 1/3 the insanity; nevertheless, there has been plenty all around it to make me absolutely nauseas. From what I can picture in my mind, these little boys must put their backs together and just start beating the crap out of the walls of their cocoon at the same time. I think they are practicing for some rock band they plan to start in preschool. Baby B was the one I was worried about a few weeks ago because he was dormant so often. Well, he's now grown beyond the reach of the placenta-buffer and he's equally frantic in his play. I feel certain that I would love all this commotion if it didn't make me so sick. Seriously, all the intense shaking and jostling makes me motion sick! Whoever heard of such a thing??! There was a time that I resented the position of the placenta pillow. Now I'm grateful that I am only feeling 2/3 the madness!

In other baby news, we haven't officially settled on any names. We're getting closer, I think, and we may end up with some names (at least one) that will make the grandmothers cringe (not one that you've heard already, but Justin has been busily making up names over the weekend). So.... we probably won't reveal them for a while, LOL! Just remember, neither of you liked the name Kinley either. But doesn't it fit her perfectly now? :) And I promise, I won't allow "Kip" or "Ace" and Justin won't allow "Finn".

It was really funny :)

I guess I wounded my spouse with my last post. He wanted me to clarify that I was wheezing and snorting because I was laughing so hard at the insensitivity and the truth of the comment. I honestly did think it was really funny, even in the moment, it just struck me as hilarious for some reason :) I can't deny that I outsize him by 20 pounds and more than 12 inches around; I wear my baby hippopotamus strapped to my belly with pride. I was just hoping that he hadn't noticed!

Documentation

This isn't just a blog. This is a place to keep track of things that I want to include in my memoirs, the first of which will be titled "Mean Memories of the Man Who Was Slowly Poisoned To Death."

Him, making idle conversation: I sure do love these Omniture Y t-shirts I picked up for free at the game last week. This one is the large and it's plenty roomy. The other one is an XL and it will be way too big for me. I guess it will have to be yours.

(Wheezing, snorting, gasping, peeing fit on the couch while I threaten him with the great blog post that comment is going to make).

The Faith of a Child

Last night Kinley offered a very beautiful and detailed prayer before bed, which included the phrase "and please bless Mommy that she won't be in pain tonight so that she can sleep well." I thought it was so sweet, but her sweetness wasn't over with that. As I leaned up to kiss and hug her good night she said, "Mommy, it doesn't matter to me what time it is or if you have to wake me up in the middle of the night. If you want to tell me how my prayer is working, you just go ahead and wake me up."

Smarty Pants

This kid is way way too quick on her feet. More quick than her mom, apparently... In my defense, I was just being sure. While playing twenty questions, Kinley chose an animal:

Me: Does it live in a zoo?

Kinley: No

Me: Does it have fur?

Kinley: Yes

Me: Can it fly?

Kinley: Are you serious? Mommy, what animals do you know that have fur and can fly?

Me: Ok, good point... does it have four legs? ...

Heeeeey.... Bats!! Bats have fur and can fly!!! Excuse me, I have some dignity to reclaim. (Wish I could have thought of bats a few hours ago...)

Twinsanity

Here is a profile of one of our sons, Baby "A". I hope he grows into his schnoz, LOL!Well, today was the "big" ultrasound. The one where they look in depth at everything all over. It was quite involved and very long. It bored Kinley nigh unto tears, but she and Tanner were fairly well behaved throughout. Justin was there with me and I am happy to report that I received nothing but really really good news on their health.

The doctor is back semi-firmly in the "identical twin" camp and these two little squirrels are a fiesty pair! The one that I sometimes worry about is apparently being well buffered by my extraordinarily expansive placenta, but is just as active as his brother, the octopus on the other side. There are no signs whatsoever of twin to twin transfusion syndrome (our biggest concern if they are identical and sharing that massive placenta) and they are growing exactly as they should be. My official due date is February 2nd, and he said that I have a slightly better than 50% chance of still being pregnant when we ring in the New Year. He wasn't happy with how many contractions I have been having and he brought up the dreaded "B" word to be thinking about when we hit 28 weeks. Bed rest.

Of interest (at least to me) was how hysterically active these little guys were (and yes, they are confirmed little boy octopi, for sure). In 4 minutes I watched one go from head down to head up and back to head down again. When my doctor said, "what in the world is a head doing up here so fast?" I'll confess that I had the brief fright that maybe there was a third baby that had been hiding all this time. Nah, just two really active little boys! These two were absolutely all over the place. While my doctor never actually broke a sweat during the ultrasound, he did say very sincerely at the end, "twins are always challenging for these ultrasounds, but I have to say that this one was particularly difficult. These boys are especially wild! Good luck with the next 25 years!"

I loved seeing my little boys bouncing around in there, sometimes putting their heads together in cuddling position, sometimes using the other baby to push off and spring to the outer wall. Seeing them again always gets me so excited for their arrival!!

Ever Happen to You?

I'm sorry, but I had to post this because it made me laugh. And no, I never watch this show, but I found this on someone else's blog and cracked up. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this experience? It usually happens in our family while Justin and I are trying to carry on an adult conversation.

The Miracle of Slumber

Ahhhhh, the miracle of slumber. I honestly and truly can't believe how much better I feel after having slept so well for 5 nights in a row. I'm going to try it without Unisom tonight just to see if all I needed to do was break the cycle of tension and insomnia. My body feels 1000 times better, my attitude is radically improved with very little additional effort, I've started reading again for myself as well as my kids, I feel like being a decent mom again, I can stand for longer than 5 minutes without collapsing, I'm not on the verge of tears every single moment of every day, and I don't run shaking and sobbing for relief from the stresses of the day to my bedroom the second Justin arrives home from work at night. I'm still fairly achy (come on, I am carrying twins, after all. Have you seen my pictures??) and I definitely waddle, but I'm not completely crippled as I have been for weeks (no exaggeration)! It's amazing that I can be upbeat and grateful to be tired and achy, now that I have experienced the extremes of both. I feel at last that I can do this, baby steps through gestation. None of the discomforts of pregnancy have totally disappeared (duh, let's be realistic) but they have all mellowed out to manageable levels and I'll take it! Many many many thanks to the ever-patient family members and friends who have endured me (and my obnoxious, defeatest, self-absorbed attitude) during this trial!

Additionally, I had sweet dreams last night of two little baby boys, all snuggled up together. They sure were adorable! One was a little bigger than the other and that was how I could tell them apart. I was feeding them and changing their diapers one at a time and each little boy would sleep so peacefully while I tended the other. Yeah, that's how I knew it was a dream, ha ha ha!

Sweet Sleep

What an amazing difference a little bit of sleep can make. After spending the last 6 weeks getting very few hours of sleep every night (sometimes only 2-3) and unable to nap during the day (oh yes, I tried), at the recommendation of a few neighbors I started taking half a Unisom before bedtime. I'm pleased to announce that I think the crazed look of chronic, maniacal crisis may have left my eyes and I haven't screamed at anyone in at least 48 hours.

While I'm still tired and I'm still uncomfortable and I'm still hormonally iffy, it is remarkably easier to deal with after 3 solid nights of sleep. I'm still not a ray of scattered sunshine, but hopefully I won't continue to frighten the neighbors (and you know who you are!) I'm not even as physically sore all over. Last night was almost a full 11 hours straight. I may have actually even felt the spirit in church today. Justin sent me to sacrament meeting alone so that I wouldn't have to hold/cuddle/wrestle my favorite 32-pound clinging, climbing, nuzzling, hug-monkey for the entire 70 minutes (owie!) and could gain some long-lost peace from the solitude. He brought the urchins second hour. I went home alone at that point, but I'm trying to live within my limits and regain some equilibrium and I really don't care what anyone thinks about that.

So, knock-on-wood, I have learned this week that a little sleep goes a long way towards sanity and overall emotional and physical health. It's a lesson I keep needing to relearn. There were a few overly stressful months on my mission when I only slept 1-2 hours per night and it almost drove me to the insane asylum. It has happened one or two other times where I have needed to remind myself that adequate sleep is essential. Maybe the lesson will stick this time. Ha. Ha.

Totally Messed Up

Forget how cool or uncool the product may actually be for occasional or supplemental use. I DESPISE this commercial and it's abominable message.

Creatures

Kinley and Tanner wanted a picture with our visitor. What? You don't see him?
How about now?

Playing Dress Up

To infinity... and beyond!!Protector of the Universe in a headlock...

Creative Outlets

While I spend most of my time lazing about, yelling, crying, and otherwise being an incurable grouch (to put it nicely), it's not all that I do. I recently finished some long-promised baby blankets and burp cloths that I think turned out really well. You may notice that they aren't very masculine. That's because despite how I behave, I'm not the only one having a baby these days. I made these for my two nieces, one who made her earthly debut a few weeks ago, and the other that is expected next month. I really love the material that I found.

Small Enough

This is one of my favorite songs, especially for those more difficult moments that come to all of us on occasion.

Got My Number

Mommy: Kiki, put some more clothes on or I'm going to swat that little bum.

Kinley (while skipping down the hall in her panties): I don't think so. I'm very small and you'd have to bend down.

Called my bluff, that girl.

Why She Hates Kindergarten...

Kinley: Mommy, I really hate going to kindergarten.

Mommy: Why is that?

Kinley: Well, because I sit in the back and _____ sits in front of me. And every day when she sits down, Emeline and I can see her butt crack. I really don't like looking at that.

20 Weeks

Well, here I am at 20 weeks. I never look as big in pictures as I do in the mirror. I have blossomed to a grand 45 inches around, which is a 3-inch increase in the last month. I wonder if it's going to taper off anytime soon or if I should reconsider the offer from the Good Year people to fly over the homecoming game...

A lot of people think that I am concerned about the tummy elephantitis because I'm embarassed that I have lost my girlish figure. Nothing could be farther from the truth. To be honest, I think I look really cute as a pregnant person. Actually, I think all pregnant people look cute, and I shamelessly count myself among them. Plus, I'm bright enough to realize that I'm carrying two babies, so there is bound to be some extra expansion in the deal. The panic in my voice when I say "I'm so big" has very little to do with my current state, and very much to do with the horrors waiting for me down the road a few months. I informed Justin the other night that these little boys are about 10 inches long and half a pound each so far and that we need to get to about 19 inches long and 5 pounds each before we are done. He groaned. I figure if I already can't sleep at night, I already yelp in pain when getting up from a chair, I'm already the lamest mom ever to the kids I have, I already have four appendages grappling for space under my rib cage, and my 5 year old has to help me put my shoes on, what does that mean for my life around the holidays? Not to be too graphic, but seriously, who is going to wipe me? We've joked about getting one of those retractable gopher tools from the infomercial.

Justin has about had it with the hormonal mood swings. I am officially out of control with them. I can be wheezing/choking/snorting/farting with uncontrollable laughter over something not-so-funny and then burst into bodywracking, eyepuffing sobs about the same thing within seconds. He happens to find it very unnerving. I wonder why he wanted this to be my last pregnancy? Imagine his delight to discover that I'm even more of a headcase carrying twice his progeny.

I spend a lot of time hiding out in my house lately, but I'm trying to make efforts to get out because I know it would be good for me. I'm just so afraid the world can see the sleep deprivation, exasperation, and negativity dripping off my skin. I'm a painfully honest person in general, so it's hard for me when someone asks how I'm doing to just smile and say, "good, thanks." But it's embarassing to admit the truth, so... anyway, I don't like to be around myself when I'm like this, so self-absorbed and whiny, so it embarasses me to inflict my sparkling attitude on others. I feel it makes me appear ungrateful for the enormous blessing that has been given to our family, when that's not at all the case. I miss being a ray of sunshine, full of energy and optimism, and I'm tired of being Eeyore. I don't deal with physical discomforts or anxiety/fear with a whole lot of grace and dignity. I promised myself that this challenge would be different, but...

I'm sure I'll regret posting this in the morning. I'm just tired, up all night, and the Sunday nap didn't work out. Some days are more tiring and frustrating and overwhelming than others. I'm not always a basket case. Just most of the time, LOL :) I friend said the other day, "you're only 19 weeks???!!! Are you serious??? This pregnancy has gone on forever!!" to that I say, "tell me about it."

On to something less negative: these little boys are very active these days. The wiggly sensation of little belly critters is something that I never tire of, regardless of the hour. One of them is definitely more active than the other. Their personalities are already expressing themselves, which is fun. I've also started to have baby dreams. The kind where the little boys are already here and we're so happy to snuggle them endlessly. It makes me that much more excited for their arrival in our family. I fantasize about their wee little faces all the time. And I look forward to sleeping on my belly again... and to having toes that resemble toes more than sausage.

Drink, Drink, AND Drink

I suppose he doesn't want to get thirsty while he's napping.

"Holidays"

Kinley: Yesterday was "Zero Hero" day at school and today is "Picture Day"! How can they have so many holidays in one week???

Just "Desserts"

After doing our reading lesson together and decorating her homework folder (excuse me, "responsibility folder") together, I told Kinley she could climb up to the treat cupboard and pick out a treat. She returned carrying a great big Hershey bar and with a radiant smile said, "I think I deserve this." I totally cracked up, but in the end managed to talk her into eating only half a bar. She returned a few minutes later with her hands filled with peanut m&m's and said, "because you helped me with my homework today, I got you these." This girl speaks my language.

My Big Boy

This is a picture of my big boy, on his way to his first day of preschool! As my baby, he doesn't seem nearly old enough! What a mischievous little imp he is. He's so different from Kinley. He refused to hold my hand down the sidewalk, choosing to be a "big boy" instead. Stay little a while longer, Bug! No rush to grow up!

The New Gym Teacher...

Kinley: We met a new teacher today...

Mom: Who is that?

Kinley: His name is Mr. _____ and he has black skin and he's our gym teacher.

Mom: Oh, so what did you do in gym class today?

Kinley: He said for our first day that we could play whatever we wanted! So we chose Freeze Tag!! It was so much fun!

Mom: Was he kind to everyone?

Kinley: Yep, he sure was.

Mom: Well good then, he sounds very nice.

Kinley: Yes, and he is gooooooood lookin' too!

Bunk Danger

You don't have to fall out of the top bunk in the middle of the night to do damage, expecially if you have a dresser crammed next to the bed... Poor little guy, he screamed like a girl. Literally, a very specific girl. Justin and I both thought it was Kinley screaming her head off.

Darling Kinley

Kinley: Will it be cold tonight? Can I wear these warm flower pajamas to bed? Everyone thinks I look just darling whenever I wear them.

The Spider Boys

To our amusement, Tanner has dubbed the babies "The Spider Boys". He always wants to kiss The Spider Boys goodnight. I suppose if Justin and I can't agree on any other names, we can always fall back and Peter and Parker...

The Toughest Lady

Mommy: Kinley, you're going to have 3 brothers soon! Can you believe it??

Kinley: No! That's crazy!

Mommy: Are you tough enough for 3 brothers?

Kinley: I don't know. Men are tougher than ladies, you know!

Mommy: Oh, I think you'll be just fine. You are one tough cookie. You're going to be an awesome big sister, just great.

Kinley: Do you know who the toughest lady I know is?

Mommy (blushing in advance for the accolades I feel certain are coming my direction): Who is that? Who is the toughest lady you know?

Kinley: Hell-ga! From American Gladiators!

Bedding

I am so excited that I had to share! Now that Kinley and Tanner are going to be on twin-sized mattresses in their bunk beds, I undertook the difficult task of finding reasonably priced bedding that I could live with. Something that was frilly enough for my princess and masculine enough for my bug. They have shared a mismatching room for 3 years and it has annoyed me endlessly; with this new change, it was really (and I mean really) important to me that they coordinate somehow. I categorically refused to get her Disney Princess and him Cars or Spiderman. Yes, I have issues; so what? Anyway, I could do something neutral, like safari or fish or something, but it wasn't my first choice. I FOUND "IT" TODAY. The answer to all my searchings! I'm soooooo happy! Target came through for me! Yay! They have it on hold for me to pick up at their store tomorrow! I can totally build a room decor around this! I can definitely work with this bedding!

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Tanner One on One

Tanner and I have really been enjoying our Mommy-Tanner mornings together. And, it appears the frets about how he'd adjust to Kinley's absence were unnecessary. He's a pretty resilient kid. I'm glad we have these few months together, time for just the two of us.

Gross Enough

Well, I should be ashamed to admit it, but it takes a lot to shame me out of my apathy these days. I never did get around to "fixing" the toilets. Apparently, they reached the "gross enough" threshold this past weekend. I stumbled upon my stud of a husband fully decked out with rubber gloves, lysol cleaner, toilet wand, and disposable green scrubby (overachiever). He scrubbed every single nasty bowl. My hero, happy Labor Day to me :)

Oh, and thanks for changing that super sweet diaper of Tanner's too. I knew I should have pulled the plug on the grapes when he passed 45. You're the best! Now if you could just learn to do these things with a smile...

Flexible Sleeping Arrangements

Someone is out of contention for the top bunk...