I Refuse To Buy Bigger Pants

Do you think now is a really bad time to try to lose 7 pounds in a month?

I bought butternut squash and edamame today. That'll do it.

I Looked Out The Window

And what did I see?

Some very interesting popcorn balls on my apricot tree...

Tanner: I can take an armpit and make a treat! A popcorn ball that would smell so sweet!

I absolutely positively could not bring myself to correct him.

No! Not Preemie Teeth!!!

The good news is that one of the teeth that has been struggling to erupt in Crew's mouth finally made its appearance in the middle of the night.

The bad news is that what I have suspected for the last few days is definitely true. The tooth is yellow and brown and may have no enamel on it whatsoever. Because his bottom teeth came in perfect and white, I thought we were safe from the preemie teeth condition that is caused from antibiotics and other heavy medications during the all important "final trimester" (that he spent in the NICU) as well as being on TPN (intravenous) nutrition for so so so ridiculously long.

I am so sad for him! Like life isn't rough enough without creepy teeth? Guess I'll be making an appointment with the pediatric dentist to fully assess the situation. Sigh....

Sitting? Sort of.

We're still working on sitting. Sometimes this is all he can make himself do.Sometimes he can play with a toy and sit respectably. His lefty is his "propping" hand. We are focusing on putting toys into that hand so that he uses it less as the crutch. See him holding onto that very small ball? That's a great thing.
If we miss a few holiday or illness days of therapy, he tends to regress. It can be discouraging. But even as a baby gorilla, he is absolutely adorable. Love you, Crew! Back to work! I hate exercising too, so I feel your pain!
(Thanks for the floor mat, Mel! I love it!)

Brothers Watching Cartoons

Everybody falls asleep with the Bambi blanket.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We did have a very happy Thanksgiving! The only contention arose in the morning before our friends arrived. I had a mile-long list of things that had to get done before noon and Justin decided to spend more than an hour on something that was not on the list. He was a man obsessed and no amount of tears or threats could dissuade him.

By all means, when you come to our home, please feel free to inspect our blinds. You'll be impressed with how thoroughly dusted they are. Eyes rolling, and rolling, and rolling...

I love me some Thanksgiving Food, which required a few days of preparation. Here is Crew "helping" with the stuffing.
Thanks to some inspiration left on my Olive Garden Salad post, I used an electric knife to cut up all the bread this year! I was able to cube 4 loaves of bread in exactly 20 minutes! Thanks, AdronsCatherine! You saved me hours of agony! (recipe to be posted later)
We had some friends spend the day with us. It was so relaxing, so fun. They brought some creative table decorations!
The turkey turned out fan.tas.tic. I made a five-star recipe that I found on allrecipes.com. It's called Homestyle Turkey the Michigander Way. It was.... uh... really great, if I do say so myself. The top breast meat was very tender and most everything else shook right off the bone with a little jiggle. I'll post the recipe later, but it may have only worked out so well because I was born in Detroit. I'm just sayin'. I may have the Michigander Turkey Touch as my birthright.
My friend Heather is an excellent member of the Thanksgiving Prep Team. I love to cook, but I don't bake. Heather bakes....
And I mean, she BAKES....
Here are our little turkeys waiting patiently for their meal.
Do you think this little imp knows exactly how photogenic she is?
Tanner's favorite part of the meal was the rolls. When all was said and done, Kinley informed me that the best part of the meal was the bowl of chips. Yeah. Shot to the heart.


We made turkeys (thanks, Christy!) and wrote on the finger-feathers the things that we are thankful for this holiday season.
My partner in Thanksgiving crime, the co-chef.
I hope everyone had a great day! Ours was magical and fun and it flew by way too fast! (I can't believe I was dead last on Ticket to Ride! I was so sure I was going to win! I want a rematch!!)

Thanksgiving Post #1

It's hard to believe that last Thanksgiving we were eating turkey and the world's worst pumpkin pie in the cafeteria at Primary's.

I've tried several times to make a list of things that I am thankful for, but I keep getting overwhelmed by it's sheer magnitude. We have so much to be thankful for this holiday season.

Here's to hoping that this next year is a little less dramatic than the last.

Table Chat

This post is to illustrate a few of the differences between two of my children. This is a verbatim excerpt from tonight's dinner conversation. See if you can guess which child said what:

Child 1: Mommy, could you please turn on the blind guy CD? What's his name again?

Mommy: Andrea Bocelli

Child 1: Yes, Bocelli. I just love listening to him sing. He has such a beautiful voice and hearing him sing always makes me think of Dex. Hey, Daddy, did you know that Beethoven was deaf and still wrote music? That is some kind of miracle, don't you think? Mommy, some day could you teach me to play something on the piano that Beethoven wrote?

Child 2: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! I have to tell you something!!! Did you know that "start" rhymes with "fart"??


These two sweet kids are just two of the many many many things that I am thankful for this year.

Raise 'Em High

Raise your bloggy hand and say "aye" if you ever watch The Biggest Loser while eating ice cream...

Scandalous

I have 13 readers who would rather be boiled in tar than see New Moon? What else don't I know about you? And who are you, so that I can send you a "Bite Me" t-shirt for Christmas?

Snicker, snicker...

I Feel So Glamorous

Kinley: How did you know that?

Mommy: I have eyes in the back of my head.

Kinley: No you don't. Why can't I see them then?

Mommy: Because they are invisible eyes.

Kinley: Oh, wait. I think I do see them! But they aren't on the back of your head. They are all over your face! Some of them are brown and some of them are pink. There are thousands of them! (insert raucous laughter here.)

I'm writing this stuff down, little princess. It will come back to haunt you some day, oh yes it will.

Acceptance

Mommy: She seems really nice.

Kinley: Oh, yes. She is very nice. She is one of my very best friends.

Mommy: What's her name?

Kinley: I don't know. I just met her on the bus.

So You Have a Private Blog?

In this day and age, people "go private" for any number of reasons. If you are someone who has chosen to take your blog private, you may have been disappointed at the sudden drop in traffic and comments from your nearest and dearest.

Do they love you less?

No!! The problem is that you don't show up in GOOGLEREADER anymore! And... let's face it: we're creatures of habit and convenience. To paraphrase a friend of mine: "your blog is dead to me now."

Have I got a solution for you!!

My cousin and my sister keep private blogs. They also keep open "update blogs". This is my cousin's update blog. And this is my sister's.

When they post on their private blogs, they make a quick companion-post on the "update blog" to alert loved ones that there is fresh content on the "real blog". The feeds are open to googlereader and other personal tracking sites.

In addition, these update blog pages can have as much or as little information as you want. It can even include contact information for those times when old friends find you while blog-hopping, but have no way to get in contact with you for an invite to your "real" blog. Or people can just leave requests in a comment section. Or it can be sanitized and nameless.

Anyway, I have really loved having these two private blogs be so much more accessible. I love the authors exactly the same amount that I always have loved them, but googlereader makes it easier to show them my love.

New Poll

The results of the last poll were so humiliating illuminating (Whisker Sisters unite!!) that I feel compelled to post another.

Called To Serve

I know that the narcissistic chatterbox that I am just exudes a certain degree of shamelessness. I have a new calling: Relief Society Teacher.

What Is Your Favorite Sauce?

What is your favorite jarred/canned/bottled spaghetti sauce?

I like "Ragu Chunky Mama's Special Garden Sauce". Mmmmm....

What about you?

Big Beastie

Crew had his 12-month well-check this morning. He weighed in at a hefty 14 pounds 12 ounces! My little beastie is now fully into 6-9 month clothes. A big accomplishment indeed!

I think we can now call him a "sitter", though we always make sure he has something soft behind him because he's a flinger--loves to fling himself backwards. He is doing some really great things. He is waving hello and bye-bye about 25% of the time now. He even occasionally repeats sounds we make, like "la-la-la" and "da-da-da". Not often, but sometimes; enough to blow our minds.

As far as gross motor concerns, Cerebral Palsy is on the back burner for now. Our personal pediatrician and the traveling neo clinic pediatrician are just not convinced that it's as serious as the neurologist is anticipating. In Dr. J's words, "It's too soon to make an official diagnosis and he is making great progress. We'll wait until Crew declares himself." He's as pleased with Crew's recent accomplishments and as hopeful as we are. He sits!! He reaches!! He grasps and shakes!! He has even passed a toy from one hand to another a few times.

He still has a boogery face. But I love him anyway.

Cozy Cuddles

I stumbled upon this sight last night before bed. It was too adorable and too sweet to let pass without snapping a pic.

For the Ladies

I have a new poll on the left for the ladies.

Good Morning to You

Welcome, Winter! Kisses?

New Week

Sigh....

Monday is almost here. A new week, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm all about fresh starts. These last few weeks have been so emotional. This past week had some cheerful and sweet moments as well as some ghastly breakdowns. On Wednesday and Thursday I felt like I had some sort of memorial hangover. The stress and anxiety building up to the Big Day wore me out and all I've wanted to do is sleep since then. I read somewhere recently (you know who you are and where you wrote it) that grief makes you sleepy.

I'm sleepy.

And I'm going to bed.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Hallelujah.

VT Assignment

I'd like to extend a warm Thank You to all who encouraged me in sincere, compassionate, and sometimes hilarious ways to ask for a reassignment in my Visiting Teaching companionship. Nikki, you had me at "Re. As. Signed."

I went back and forth dozens of times for a variety of reasons, but in the end I decided...it's just too soon. There are different levels of "ok" and this assignment would require me to be in a place that I'm just... not yet. I quite disliked having to beg off by pointing out what I would have thought was obvious, but in the end, it was better than the alternative: months of misery and martyrdom. I know the person who put it together must have thought it was a great idea, but didn't realize what she was really asking.

It is done.

And I feel so much better.

Being One Year Old

Crew is my big boy now!

We have started putting him into crawling position as part of his physical therapy. His knees don't bend very freely with his "high muscle tone". He totally hates it and has figured out how to fling himself out of it pretty quickly. But hey, we'll take forward motion any way we can get it, right?Someone gave this bear to him for his birthday (anyone ready to confess?) Here he was carrying on a very intense conversation with his fuzzy new friend.
"What? You say you think I am the most beautiful baby in the world?"
"Look deeply into my eyes.... now melt."
"Thanks for the birthday outfit, Nana and Papa! It makes me even more adorable, don't you think?"

Library Loopholes

When we pulled into the library parking lot, I said "you may not check out a movie today. Don't ask to check out a movie today. If you want to get a movie, the answer is no. But, you can each pick out any two books that you want, any two books at all.

Yeah... I walked right into that one.

The Painters

When we first moved into this house and got our new phone number, we received several calls from credit card and cell phone companies regarding delinquent accounts for the elusive and mysterious Pamela and Paige Painter/Paynter.

After the first few phone calls that I answered with my grouchy/annoyed voice, I changed my attitude (and tone) and decided I was just going to have to kindly explain that this is no longer their number. Instead of ignoring the calls when I saw them on Caller I.D., I started answering as many of the calls as I could, attempting to get off as many lists as possible, even calling some back that had left phone numbers.

It hasn't seemed to help. In fact, things have gotten worse.

These accounts have now been turned over to collections agencies and attorneys who are notoriously more aggressive in their practices. You would (probably not) be surprised at how rude they are. Their tones are insufferably condescending, their questions drip with accusation, and they don't even let me finish my sentences. Once they begrudgingly accept the reality that I am not Pamela, I am not her Great Aunt Megan covering for her, and that I don't even know who she is, they hang up without even a "thank you" or "sorry for the inconvenience." It's so maddening.

It's got to stop sometime, right?

And no, Justin won't let me change the phone number. Who knows what else we might get?

Happy Happy Birthday, Babies Dear!

Well.... we made it! One year. Sigh.... and what a year it has been. I'm in the "Is that someone waving a wagon-load of straw in front of my camel? Run, camel, run!!" kind of place.

The anxiety leading up to today was definitely much worse than today turned out to be. I have spent the last two weeks doing the bitter/angry/pissed-off thing. The dread and unholy terror of facing today kept me from sleeping the. entire. weekend. I finally admitted to myself that I was choosing to do "angry" because sometimes it feels more functional and less painful than "sad", though I'm not really sure that it is. Then I did the curl-into-fetal-position-and-cry-until-you-puke thing on Sunday. I had Halloween candy, triscuits, and cheese dip for breakfast on Monday. By the time today rolled around, I was all stomped, whined, and cried out.

Late last night I took a super long walk by myself to reflect on this last year. It's been a few weeks since I have prayed and I finally faced Him last night, when I was ready to tell Him what He already knew: that I was really ticked off at Him about this whole thing. To plagiarize a friend of mine: "I have a few choice words to say about this situation." I hear ya, sister. I hear ya.

I was amazed at how quickly he sent His peace to my raging heart. I felt Dex very near me, with his usual lighthearted comfort. I felt that I should come home and read my early posts from last year. It was exactly what I needed. By the time I went to bed I was actually looking forward to today, if you can believe it.

Today was a wonderful day. Today was the day we celebrated the miracle and blessing of Crew, his continuing story of mercy, hope, and courage. Today was the day we celebrated the miracle and blessing of Dex, our valiant soldier who fights for us on the other side of the veil, our son who has already made it safely Home. Today was the first anniversary of the hardest day of my life. Today was the first anniversary of the most beautiful day of my life.

Today I only got weepy twice. Once when I was picking out "Happy First Birthday" balloons to take to the cemetery. And once again when we arrived at the cemetery and discovered that family and friends had beat us there! We were so surprised, and so very very touched by what we found there: the evidence of sincere love for our family and for our never-forgotten son. We were all deeply moved by the efforts made and can't thank you enough for loving our little prince and being there for us in endless ways as we continue to wade through these uncharted waters.

Now, as for how we spent the day:

We kept Kinley home from school for a Family Day. We ran errands in the morning and Justin came home by lunch time to take us all down to visit the cemetery. It was weird to have a birthday boy that looks like a 6-month old, I must say. We spent a good part of the afternoon at the cemetery. It's so weird, but we love that place. Love it!!! It feels like holy ground. It used to be a place that I feared. I used to feel somber and morose just driving through the gates to visit Dex's grave. Now I just can't get enough of it. It's so peaceful, so quiet. It offers such perspective. It's a place of hope and eternity. Time and time again I am reminded that "everybody dies eventually." And there are a lot of babies in that cemetery. It helps me not feel so alone in this particular trial.
We are so blessed.
I love this picture.
I'm not the only one who loves the cemetery.
We were going to release a bunch of balloons representing each member of our family. Then we decided to release only one balloon because he is one-year-old. Then Tanner wanted to release his own balloon; he didn't want to hold on to the same balloon as Kinley. We noticed the balloon gal had "accidentally" included an extra, so with fate smiling fondly upon us, we released two white balloons.

For Dex, we were inspired by President Monson's Conference talk in October. We now have a big, beautiful glass jar that we are going to fill with colored glass stones that represent acts of service that we do in his memory. He is never far from our thoughts.

After our trip to the cemetery, we came home and Crew played with his balloon. He is craaaaaazy about his balloon. He has never become so upset when losing his grip on a toy. He just could not get enough of it.
Then we made cupcakes.
And opened presents.


And had cake. Crew wasn't really interested in eating the cake, though I did try to encourage him a few times. He was, however, very interested in manhandling the cake.

Happy birthday, big guy!

Happy Birthday, Tiny Princes!

We Watch Too Much Television

Tanner: What is Subway?

Mommy: It's where you "eat fresh!"

Kinley: Don't forget the "5-dollar foot looooongs!"

Food Therapy

Crew always has his little fingers in his mouth. To start him thinking about feeding himself with those grubby little mitts, Julie (our PT) convinced me to try letting him paint with baby food. She saw right away that she was asking the monumental of me (eww, eww!), but I gamely took up the challenge.

He doesn't eat chunky foods yet, but I thought the texture would be fun to play with and then he'd get the lickable, suckable sauce stuck to his fingers.

Here he is inspecting.Squish, squish.
I put his hand to his lips and convinced him to have a taste.
Mmmmmm.... He did this about 4 times, with assistance.
And.... then he was done. "Go get the spoon, woman! FEED ME, SEYMOUR!!"

Brothers

Olive Garden Salad

My friend Allison has salad dressing running through her veins. I know I can always count on her for a yummy salad recipe. She gave me this awesome recipe that was originally from sisterscafe.blogspot.com. It turned out just like the Olive Garden! Yummy!
Olive Garden Salad Dressing:
½ c. mayonnaise
1/3 c. white vinegar
1 tsp vegetable oil
2 Tb. corn syrup
2 Tb. Parmesan cheese
2 Tb. Romano cheese
¼ tsp garlic salt – or one clove garlic, minced
½ tsp Italian seasoning
½ tsp parsley flakes
1 Tb. lemon juice

Salad:
1 large head romaine lettuce
slices red onion
black olives
2-4 banana peppers
2 small tomatoes, quartered (I actually used grape tomatoes, cut in half)
½ c. croutons
freshly grated Parmesan cheese

For homemade croutons:
4 slices sandwich bread
1 clove garlic, minced
3 Tb. butter
salt and pepper
dried parsley flakes

Mix all dressing ingredients in a blender until well mixed. If this is a little too tart for your own personal tastes, add a little extra sugar (I used 1/2 tsp).

Chill one salad bowl in freezer for at least 30 minutes. Put lettuce in bowl. Place on top of lettuce red onions, black olives, banana peppers, tomatoes, and croutons. Add some freshly grated Parmesan cheese if you like, and add plenty of Olive Garden Salad Dressing on top.

For the homemade croutons:
Cut off crusts of sandwich bread, and cut bread into cubes. Melt butter in small saucepan and add minced garlic. Toss sandwich cubes in the butter and spread out in a pan. Sprinkle salt and pepper and parsley flakes to taste. Bake for 15 minutes at 350°, turning half way through baking.

I did not make the croutons, but I think I will try it next time!!