#1. I'm just neurotic enough that I actually find counting calories to be ... fun. It really speaks to the nutcase within. Who knew?
#2. Equally unexpected is how utterly sexy Justin finds my calorie counting. He wants me to be just as neurotic about house cleaning so that we can have "the perfect life".
He's such an accountant sometimes...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Surgery Pix
Crew seems to have overcome the worst of the surgery. The swelling has gone down a lot and his fever has finally abated. He is smiling again and has resumed eating a respectable amount. It's been a tough few days for him and I'm glad he's feeling better at last.
This was taken while we were waiting for the surgical prep team. We were all very tired, right out of the gate.
This is Crew with his surgery nurse, Jennifer, when they were on their way to the O.R.
This is Wasted, Confused Crew immediately post-op. Because of his age, size, and medical history, we stayed at the hospital for a few more hours than a typical patient, just to make sure he was ok. Crew and I spent that time dozing on his gurney together.
I was pleasantly surprised with how quickly he came off the ventilator and woke up. It was still unsettling to watch him come fully awake, arching his back, squawking in frustration, confusion, or pain, I'm still not sure. We're glad it's over.
P.S. have you ever seen such a cute little hospital nightie? I fantasized many times about throwing it into my take-home bag :) He looked so darling in it!
This was taken while we were waiting for the surgical prep team. We were all very tired, right out of the gate.
This is Crew with his surgery nurse, Jennifer, when they were on their way to the O.R.
This is Wasted, Confused Crew immediately post-op. Because of his age, size, and medical history, we stayed at the hospital for a few more hours than a typical patient, just to make sure he was ok. Crew and I spent that time dozing on his gurney together.
I was pleasantly surprised with how quickly he came off the ventilator and woke up. It was still unsettling to watch him come fully awake, arching his back, squawking in frustration, confusion, or pain, I'm still not sure. We're glad it's over.
P.S. have you ever seen such a cute little hospital nightie? I fantasized many times about throwing it into my take-home bag :) He looked so darling in it!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tender Mercies
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
Our our way to the library this afternoon, I was struck by an urge to stop by the cemetery to visit Dex's grave while it all still looks so beautiful and festive after Memorial Day. Five minutes after we got out of our car, who should arrive, but Mercy's mom!
What a wonderful surprise! Talk about tender mercies in my day (and tender Mercys...) Ashley and I have never met face to face before. We have been email and blogging friends until our unexpected cemetery encounter today. It was such a blessing to be able to spend some time talking together this afternoon about our angels and our experiences.
Thanks, Dex and Mercy, for bringing us together today. You're so sneaky.
Our our way to the library this afternoon, I was struck by an urge to stop by the cemetery to visit Dex's grave while it all still looks so beautiful and festive after Memorial Day. Five minutes after we got out of our car, who should arrive, but Mercy's mom!
What a wonderful surprise! Talk about tender mercies in my day (and tender Mercys...) Ashley and I have never met face to face before. We have been email and blogging friends until our unexpected cemetery encounter today. It was such a blessing to be able to spend some time talking together this afternoon about our angels and our experiences.
Thanks, Dex and Mercy, for bringing us together today. You're so sneaky.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Summer Reading Program
The library is starting their Summer Reading program for children ages 0-12. The kickoff will be May 30th from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm in the library ballroom. Registration will continue through June 27th.
They give you t-shirts and reading logs to complete through the summer. At the end of the summer they give you bags with coupons and tickets to a pool party, etc. Kind of a fun little summer reading project, if you're into that. Which we are.
Improvement
Crew is doing a teeny bit better. He has had a fever since last night that is finally under control by piggy-backing ibuprofen with the Tylenol. I haven't been able to do that in the past, but I got clearance this time from the team at Primary's as well as my pediatrician (instead of the after-hours on-call dial-a-nurse-at-midnight who told me that I couldn't do it before--under weight or something) and it seems to be helping a lot. He has a bunch of swelling that looks very painful, but they tell me it's "normal". Eesh. He is still not very happy, but he is no longer utterly miserable.
Totally unrelated, but very happy-making (for you Uglies out there), is the fact that I have now lost a total of 3.8 pounds! What is so great about My Food Diary is not only is it working (I just squeezed into my non-maternity jeans for the first time!) but I am losing exactly what it says I should be, at exactly the rate and pace it is calculating, based upon the information I am inputting (what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising). It really is math, not magic! I can't tell you how liberating it is for me to have removed the guesswork from the process. I feel so much less stressed out about it and my expectations are soooooo much more reasonable. I've taken the emotion out of the equation. I'm taking my time and doing it in a sane, healthy way and it feels so great. I'm not guessing about what I'm putting in my face or what the results will be. I love it.
Totally unrelated, but very happy-making (for you Uglies out there), is the fact that I have now lost a total of 3.8 pounds! What is so great about My Food Diary is not only is it working (I just squeezed into my non-maternity jeans for the first time!) but I am losing exactly what it says I should be, at exactly the rate and pace it is calculating, based upon the information I am inputting (what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising). It really is math, not magic! I can't tell you how liberating it is for me to have removed the guesswork from the process. I feel so much less stressed out about it and my expectations are soooooo much more reasonable. I've taken the emotion out of the equation. I'm taking my time and doing it in a sane, healthy way and it feels so great. I'm not guessing about what I'm putting in my face or what the results will be. I love it.
Zombies
Oh, my land. I was up all night long with a sad, fevered, post-op baby that couldn't get comfortable. He's so pathetic. So am I, for that matter... Sure wish I had gotten some sleep the night before last...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
We Are Home
Crew is resting comfortably in his swing, settling in for what I expect to be a very long nap.
His surgeries are considered a success in that his hypospadia has been corrected and his hydrocele has been removed.
Now, do you remember when I said that it is really hard to read ultrasounds and get a definitive answer? Well, we had the ultrasound and received from the head radiologist firm and seemingly irrefutable confirmation that the pathway was wide open, but it turns out that Crew's hydrocele was not, in fact, of the communicating variety. The surgeon inspected it thoroughly, even found his old sutures, and the pathway is sealed shut, tight as a drum. And before you ask, yes, I believe him.
Might the hydrocele have eventually resolved and resorbed on its own? Maybe, maybe not. I'm inclined to think maybe it would have. I even started to strongly suspect recently that it wasn't a communicating hydrocele after all, but changed my mind after the ultrasound, of course. Regardless, it is taken care of and we don't have to worry about it one way or the other. It's been removed, complete with the lining, never to return again. And we had the other problem taken care of, though it was such a minor deformity/concern that we even briefly toyed with the idea of leaving it, with the possibility of needing to address it further down the road. Again, maybe, maybe not.
On the one hand, I'm glad that the issues are 100% resolved, and Justin frames his silver lining around the fact that it wasn't as bad as we all thought. He thinks it's a little weird that I'm disgruntled over things not being as bad as we expected. But I find myself being torn between being grateful that things weren't worse and feeling like a schmuck of a mom, carving up my child, putting him in pain, and throwing him to the wolves with all the inherent risks of surgery for two procedures that may or may not have even been necessary.
Blech. We did everything we possibly could to make the right decision. Everyone thought he had a communicating hydrocele, including me. We used extra diagnostic tools just to make sure and had all the best doctors involved in the process. We even had the director of radiology do the ultrasound himself (to the annoyance of the tech). And we still got it wrong.
Don't worry about me. I'll feel better about all of this in a few days when he's back to his old, spry self. I'll be happy that the hydrocele is gone, communicating or non-communicating. And I'll be glad we don't ever have to worry about the other problem.
I'm hungry. Suuuuuper hungry. And really tired. I'm going to rummage now.
His surgeries are considered a success in that his hypospadia has been corrected and his hydrocele has been removed.
Now, do you remember when I said that it is really hard to read ultrasounds and get a definitive answer? Well, we had the ultrasound and received from the head radiologist firm and seemingly irrefutable confirmation that the pathway was wide open, but it turns out that Crew's hydrocele was not, in fact, of the communicating variety. The surgeon inspected it thoroughly, even found his old sutures, and the pathway is sealed shut, tight as a drum. And before you ask, yes, I believe him.
Might the hydrocele have eventually resolved and resorbed on its own? Maybe, maybe not. I'm inclined to think maybe it would have. I even started to strongly suspect recently that it wasn't a communicating hydrocele after all, but changed my mind after the ultrasound, of course. Regardless, it is taken care of and we don't have to worry about it one way or the other. It's been removed, complete with the lining, never to return again. And we had the other problem taken care of, though it was such a minor deformity/concern that we even briefly toyed with the idea of leaving it, with the possibility of needing to address it further down the road. Again, maybe, maybe not.
On the one hand, I'm glad that the issues are 100% resolved, and Justin frames his silver lining around the fact that it wasn't as bad as we all thought. He thinks it's a little weird that I'm disgruntled over things not being as bad as we expected. But I find myself being torn between being grateful that things weren't worse and feeling like a schmuck of a mom, carving up my child, putting him in pain, and throwing him to the wolves with all the inherent risks of surgery for two procedures that may or may not have even been necessary.
Blech. We did everything we possibly could to make the right decision. Everyone thought he had a communicating hydrocele, including me. We used extra diagnostic tools just to make sure and had all the best doctors involved in the process. We even had the director of radiology do the ultrasound himself (to the annoyance of the tech). And we still got it wrong.
Don't worry about me. I'll feel better about all of this in a few days when he's back to his old, spry self. I'll be happy that the hydrocele is gone, communicating or non-communicating. And I'll be glad we don't ever have to worry about the other problem.
I'm hungry. Suuuuuper hungry. And really tired. I'm going to rummage now.
And Away He Goes
Crew has just headed into surgery. We got up at 1 this morning for a bath and a final feeding. He thought it was really funny to have a bath in the middle of the night. After that, he woke up on his own just before 7 and we headed out right away to the hospital.
He was hungry when we arrived, but not overly so. He was a little fussy, looking for his breakfast while they were trying to get his vitals, but once he was reswaddled, he settled down again. When Daddy arrived after dropping Kinley and Tanner off at various destinations, he bounced him into a little morning nap.
At 9, the surgical team came in to answer questions and take him away. He woke up just as they were coming in, so he flirted with them briefly. The nurse walked him down the hall to surgery and he threw us some radiant smiles as he left us. He is oh, so cute, and oh, so sweet.
We expect the surgery to take a few hours. It's a little more complicated than the previous hernia surgery because we are now dealing with scar tissue and muscles that have already been weakened by the previous surgery. Plus, this is Dr. D.'s first time correcting a hypospadia (no, we aren't that concerned; it's a pretty simple procedure). However, with all of these factors, we've been asked to "be patient".
They won't bring him to his room until he wakes up. I'll be interested in seeing how long that takes. They say 15-20 minutes, but the last time he was on general anesthesia, he didn't come out for many many hours. I warned them that he is a light-weight, so we'll see. I wish we could be with him while we wait for him to wake up. That was how it was in the NICU, but it's a different set up this time, with a bunch of patients all waking up in the same room. Confidentiality, yaddah, yaddah.
Love this kid!
He was hungry when we arrived, but not overly so. He was a little fussy, looking for his breakfast while they were trying to get his vitals, but once he was reswaddled, he settled down again. When Daddy arrived after dropping Kinley and Tanner off at various destinations, he bounced him into a little morning nap.
At 9, the surgical team came in to answer questions and take him away. He woke up just as they were coming in, so he flirted with them briefly. The nurse walked him down the hall to surgery and he threw us some radiant smiles as he left us. He is oh, so cute, and oh, so sweet.
We expect the surgery to take a few hours. It's a little more complicated than the previous hernia surgery because we are now dealing with scar tissue and muscles that have already been weakened by the previous surgery. Plus, this is Dr. D.'s first time correcting a hypospadia (no, we aren't that concerned; it's a pretty simple procedure). However, with all of these factors, we've been asked to "be patient".
They won't bring him to his room until he wakes up. I'll be interested in seeing how long that takes. They say 15-20 minutes, but the last time he was on general anesthesia, he didn't come out for many many hours. I warned them that he is a light-weight, so we'll see. I wish we could be with him while we wait for him to wake up. That was how it was in the NICU, but it's a different set up this time, with a bunch of patients all waking up in the same room. Confidentiality, yaddah, yaddah.
Love this kid!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Surgery Tomorrow
Crew is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning at 8:30. He and I will be headed out of here at 7. It's been a roller coaster of a week as far as this has been concerned. It's been on, off, tentatively on, and back around again.
This second issue (which was officially diagnosed tonight as a very mild hypospadia) really threw a wrench in things. But after dozens of phone calls and a whole lot of accommodation and fancy finagling by our pediatrician, a urologist at Primary's, and "our" beloved surgeon, we are back on tomorrow and both the hypospadia and the hydrocele will be corrected in a single surgery, here at UVRMC. Before the end of the month when our insurance expires.
Justin deserves all the kudos in the world for pushing this through and we are overwhelmingly appreciative to all of the doctors who graciously did everything in their power to get this arranged for us.
It's been an extremely stressful few days getting this all worked out and trying to make tentative decisions with less than all pertinent information, but in a weird way I'm kind of glad that everything was so chaotic because it took my mind off of the building tension I was feeling about him going into surgery at all.
For some reason, enduring (three) surgeries to get him home from the NICU didn't feel as hard as taking my big, healthy, happy, smiling, living-life-pain-free little guy back to surgery. OK, maybe it did, but I've blocked it all out.
Anyhoo...It really started to overwhelm me last weekend. I started thinking of him not being able to eat pre-op and taking him to the hospital starving and crying, him not understanding, etc. It was such a nightmare last time and he was a lot less aware of his situation back then. I started having bad dreams at night about him being back on the ventilator, envisioning what a 10-pound unconscious, drugged out Crew looks like. Ugh, it's been pretty bad. Plus, even though this is considered a very minor surgery compared with all of his previous trips to the O.R., general anesthesia is always a very tricky and risky proposition. We. hate. general. anesthesia. and. we. hate. ventilators. We hate having our tiny guy carved up and sad.
I am still feeling twinges of it, but I suspect the surgery schedule will be smoother than Primary's so he won't starve endlessly this time. And I'm feeling the happy adrenaline of having hurdled the other obstacles in our way, so I'm feeling a little more sane. And I will be very happy to have this surgery over and done with. If all goes well, we should be home tomorrow afternoon sometime.
I've found myself wanting to eat my entire refrigerator, but that's a post for another day. Man, I'm a stress eater.
So, please keep our little guy in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow. We'll be so glad to have this over and done!
This second issue (which was officially diagnosed tonight as a very mild hypospadia) really threw a wrench in things. But after dozens of phone calls and a whole lot of accommodation and fancy finagling by our pediatrician, a urologist at Primary's, and "our" beloved surgeon, we are back on tomorrow and both the hypospadia and the hydrocele will be corrected in a single surgery, here at UVRMC. Before the end of the month when our insurance expires.
Justin deserves all the kudos in the world for pushing this through and we are overwhelmingly appreciative to all of the doctors who graciously did everything in their power to get this arranged for us.
It's been an extremely stressful few days getting this all worked out and trying to make tentative decisions with less than all pertinent information, but in a weird way I'm kind of glad that everything was so chaotic because it took my mind off of the building tension I was feeling about him going into surgery at all.
For some reason, enduring (three) surgeries to get him home from the NICU didn't feel as hard as taking my big, healthy, happy, smiling, living-life-pain-free little guy back to surgery. OK, maybe it did, but I've blocked it all out.
Anyhoo...It really started to overwhelm me last weekend. I started thinking of him not being able to eat pre-op and taking him to the hospital starving and crying, him not understanding, etc. It was such a nightmare last time and he was a lot less aware of his situation back then. I started having bad dreams at night about him being back on the ventilator, envisioning what a 10-pound unconscious, drugged out Crew looks like. Ugh, it's been pretty bad. Plus, even though this is considered a very minor surgery compared with all of his previous trips to the O.R., general anesthesia is always a very tricky and risky proposition. We. hate. general. anesthesia. and. we. hate. ventilators. We hate having our tiny guy carved up and sad.
I am still feeling twinges of it, but I suspect the surgery schedule will be smoother than Primary's so he won't starve endlessly this time. And I'm feeling the happy adrenaline of having hurdled the other obstacles in our way, so I'm feeling a little more sane. And I will be very happy to have this surgery over and done with. If all goes well, we should be home tomorrow afternoon sometime.
I've found myself wanting to eat my entire refrigerator, but that's a post for another day. Man, I'm a stress eater.
So, please keep our little guy in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow. We'll be so glad to have this over and done!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Motherhood Is...
Being sneezed upon.
It is also driving down the road, wondering why everything looks fuzzy through your sunglasses. And then you remember.
You were sneezed upon.
It is also driving down the road, wondering why everything looks fuzzy through your sunglasses. And then you remember.
You were sneezed upon.
Too Sweet, WAY Too Sweet
Not only has Crew slept 10 hours straight for the last two nights (yeah, I don't expect it to continue long-term either), but he hasn't even cried in the morning. I go in there to check on him when everyone else wakes up and he's just laying in his bed, slurping his hands if he managed to get them free, or just looking around quietly. He's so sweet!! I've never had a baby that didn't wail the moment their eyes opened! He's too sweet!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Letter To My Son
Dear Dex,
We came to visit you and Mercy today. Did you see the garden we planted? We were so happy to find the lithodora flowers. They seemed so perfect for you. We haven’t been very good gardeners in the past, but these are very special flowers to honor your role in our family, so we’ll take extra special care of them.
It’s been more than 6 months now and so much has happened. Some days I still just can’t believe that you are really gone. It’s not at all how we planned things, but we know that Heavenly Father loves us and that this is part of His plan.
I am so proud of you. I remember the power of your spirit on the day we said goodbye, and I am so thankful for the times that you have come to visit since then. I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms again and never have to let you go. You are a brave and noble son and I am humbled to be your mother.
Please keep pulling for us. Your efforts really do make a difference. Thank you for coming to Crew’s NICU blessing. Thank you for being with Crew so often and for lending him your strength. You two are so different in spirit and personality, but I see so much of you in his beautiful face.
We are trying to make the right choices so that we can be with you again. Your life and your death has been a unifying force for the entire extended family. You have strengthened my testimony of the plan of salvation and you have been an inspiration to anyone who hears about you.
I love you and miss you all the time but we are ok and we are finding joy in the journey.
Love,
Mommy
After spending time writing letters and making cards for Dex and Mercy, we spent some time at the cemetery as a family this afternoon. Boy, there were a lot of people and flowers there! The cemetery is a hoppin' place on Memorial Day weekend!
We knew that we couldn't place a stone until spring, but we didn't realize how long it would take to finish once we ordered it, so we are still waiting. We definitely should have put things in motion during the winter. Live and learn. We were disappointed to not have it ready for today. It seemed lacking.
Tanner suggested we requisition a rocket ship to take us to heaven for a visit. Do you think we can find a good deal on Orbitz? I just love my kids.
We came to visit you and Mercy today. Did you see the garden we planted? We were so happy to find the lithodora flowers. They seemed so perfect for you. We haven’t been very good gardeners in the past, but these are very special flowers to honor your role in our family, so we’ll take extra special care of them.
It’s been more than 6 months now and so much has happened. Some days I still just can’t believe that you are really gone. It’s not at all how we planned things, but we know that Heavenly Father loves us and that this is part of His plan.
I am so proud of you. I remember the power of your spirit on the day we said goodbye, and I am so thankful for the times that you have come to visit since then. I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms again and never have to let you go. You are a brave and noble son and I am humbled to be your mother.
Please keep pulling for us. Your efforts really do make a difference. Thank you for coming to Crew’s NICU blessing. Thank you for being with Crew so often and for lending him your strength. You two are so different in spirit and personality, but I see so much of you in his beautiful face.
We are trying to make the right choices so that we can be with you again. Your life and your death has been a unifying force for the entire extended family. You have strengthened my testimony of the plan of salvation and you have been an inspiration to anyone who hears about you.
I love you and miss you all the time but we are ok and we are finding joy in the journey.
Love,
Mommy
After spending time writing letters and making cards for Dex and Mercy, we spent some time at the cemetery as a family this afternoon. Boy, there were a lot of people and flowers there! The cemetery is a hoppin' place on Memorial Day weekend!
We knew that we couldn't place a stone until spring, but we didn't realize how long it would take to finish once we ordered it, so we are still waiting. We definitely should have put things in motion during the winter. Live and learn. We were disappointed to not have it ready for today. It seemed lacking.
Tanner suggested we requisition a rocket ship to take us to heaven for a visit. Do you think we can find a good deal on Orbitz? I just love my kids.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Memory Garden
Through one of my online twin-loss support groups, I got the idea to plant a garden in memory of Dex, so that's what we did this weekend. Kinley and I found some beautiful blue and white star flowers that were absolutely perfect for the occasion. Blue for our little boy, white for the pure angel that he is. The other tiny white flowers are in honor of all the angel babies who are with Dex and those who are still fighting for their lives in the NICU's around the world.
Now, before we began, Kinley reminded me that last year, she wore a "head thing" to plant the flowers.
Well, once Tanner saw Kinley decked out in her "pirate hat", I was obligated to find him his own do-rag.
They sang made-up pirate songs and yelled "arrrrrrrr!!!" while shoveling.
The kids designed their own arrangements and I'm very pleased with how everything turned out. I can't wait to see them in full bloom.
Now, before we began, Kinley reminded me that last year, she wore a "head thing" to plant the flowers.
Well, once Tanner saw Kinley decked out in her "pirate hat", I was obligated to find him his own do-rag.
They sang made-up pirate songs and yelled "arrrrrrrr!!!" while shoveling.
The kids designed their own arrangements and I'm very pleased with how everything turned out. I can't wait to see them in full bloom.
Paint Pots
It was high time we brought beauty (and dignity) back to our front porch. My Picassos pitched in by decorating some flower pots.
Tanner found some water to wash up in. The strange thing is that it actually worked...
Kinley painted a tiger theme. We pretended that peach color was orange.
It was a nice day out, so friends stopped by and joined in the fun.
I get this weird warm tickly feeling in my heart when my kids are covered in a mess that was made while having fun.
Tanner found some water to wash up in. The strange thing is that it actually worked...
Kinley painted a tiger theme. We pretended that peach color was orange.
It was a nice day out, so friends stopped by and joined in the fun.
I get this weird warm tickly feeling in my heart when my kids are covered in a mess that was made while having fun.
Run For Your Life
I have my own Jillian now, and I don't mean The Bachelorette. I have found a workout partner who is always willing to exercise with me, no matter what time of day or night. She's up for any challenge, thrives on diversity of movement, won't let me quit, tells me of course I can do it, doesn't know enough naughty words to insult me and break my spirit, keeps pushing for more, and continually reminds me of how much better I'm looking these days (I have lost 50 pounds, after all, since November).
I took Kinley to the Fieldhouse indoor track. I walked 2 miles and she rode her bike. I haven't had that much fun working out in years. We laughed so hard! She used her mad math skills to keep a countdown of our remaining laps. She mostly rode in front of me and I can tell you that every speed walker needs a pace-Kinley. I tried to sneak up on her a few times to run past her, but she always heard me coming (was it the sickly wheezing, do you suppose?) and pedaled faster.
The best comment of the night: "No way I'm going to let you pass me. Nice try, Mom."
If anyone ever wants to join us, give me a shout. We had the place practically to ourselves.
I took Kinley to the Fieldhouse indoor track. I walked 2 miles and she rode her bike. I haven't had that much fun working out in years. We laughed so hard! She used her mad math skills to keep a countdown of our remaining laps. She mostly rode in front of me and I can tell you that every speed walker needs a pace-Kinley. I tried to sneak up on her a few times to run past her, but she always heard me coming (was it the sickly wheezing, do you suppose?) and pedaled faster.
The best comment of the night: "No way I'm going to let you pass me. Nice try, Mom."
If anyone ever wants to join us, give me a shout. We had the place practically to ourselves.
Tooth Fairy MIA
Note to self: if you are going to submit to the whole "tooth fairy " concept, you have to be willing and organized enough to see it all the way through.
We had one disappointed little 6-year old this morning who woke up to find her tooth still resting safely under her pillow. There was some hasty discussion about a deadbeat fairy and a holiday weekend...
Being a parent is so complicated sometimes.
We had one disappointed little 6-year old this morning who woke up to find her tooth still resting safely under her pillow. There was some hasty discussion about a deadbeat fairy and a holiday weekend...
Being a parent is so complicated sometimes.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Mean Mommy
#1. My kids hear me yell, sure. But what they really fear is the deadly quiet, slow-paced, unnaturally calm tone. As in "calm before the storm of mayhem and creative punishments". True.
#2. We have a zero tolerance policy for dishonesty in our home. It's a rare and sad day when it happens, but we haven't led a lie-free existence. Every once in a while in a panic they'll throw one out and have to suffer the consequences of having a dirty, icky, yucky, lying mouth. After enduring a never-condensed lecture on the subject, the perpetrator gets their mouth washed out with soap. I used to use hand soap until it occured to me that "black raspberry vanilla" and "coconut lime verbena" may not make them quite penitent enough.
So, I started using dish soap. You can imagine the reaction of the children, which exactly mirrored my level of satisfaction in the choice. Heh, heh.
It's been a while, so we were probably due for at least a teeny white lie (which are the worst to punish for, but it must be done...) so the guilty party was asked to finish lunch (in a deadly quiet tone, no less) and join me in the bathroom afterwards to wash out the dirty mouth.
Because I had declared that the sentencing would happen upstairs, the perpetrator convinced herself/himself that I was going to use the Brown Sugar Vanilla hand soap in the bathroom, and thus skipped merrily up the stairs to receive proper punishment. Ha ha, no, no!
"Grins and Giggles Vapor Bath, Gentle and Mild MENTHOL" baby soap, delivered on a "Bedside-Care EasiCleanse Bath, No-Rinse, Self-Foaming Disposable Wash Cloth."
Mmmm.... yummy.
#2. We have a zero tolerance policy for dishonesty in our home. It's a rare and sad day when it happens, but we haven't led a lie-free existence. Every once in a while in a panic they'll throw one out and have to suffer the consequences of having a dirty, icky, yucky, lying mouth. After enduring a never-condensed lecture on the subject, the perpetrator gets their mouth washed out with soap. I used to use hand soap until it occured to me that "black raspberry vanilla" and "coconut lime verbena" may not make them quite penitent enough.
So, I started using dish soap. You can imagine the reaction of the children, which exactly mirrored my level of satisfaction in the choice. Heh, heh.
It's been a while, so we were probably due for at least a teeny white lie (which are the worst to punish for, but it must be done...) so the guilty party was asked to finish lunch (in a deadly quiet tone, no less) and join me in the bathroom afterwards to wash out the dirty mouth.
Because I had declared that the sentencing would happen upstairs, the perpetrator convinced herself/himself that I was going to use the Brown Sugar Vanilla hand soap in the bathroom, and thus skipped merrily up the stairs to receive proper punishment. Ha ha, no, no!
"Grins and Giggles Vapor Bath, Gentle and Mild MENTHOL" baby soap, delivered on a "Bedside-Care EasiCleanse Bath, No-Rinse, Self-Foaming Disposable Wash Cloth."
Mmmm.... yummy.
Try On Zion
I got this today and I just had to share because I think they are so cute. My friend Sherri (my BFF from ye olde Girls Camp days) and her husband own this company. They design bazillions of themed t-shirts (cheap) for camps, scouts, youth conferences, treks, EFY, family reunions, mission conferences, dance festivals and more. They do custom design work or they'll use your design, but they also have tons of shirt designs to choose from already, many of them LDS-themed. If you're interested, visit www.tryonzion.com
My Food Diary Stuff Again
Oh my goodness, I just can't help myself. I must gush. www.myfooddiary.com is exactly what I have needed all of these years. I am so in love with it, completely addicted to it! I don't use it the way most people do. Most people log as they go. I make my menu out a week ahead of time and input a few days at a time. Then I tweak throughout the day as things change. But for the most part, I know ahead of time what the end of the day is probably going to look like instead of flying by the seat of my pants all day hoping it comes out ok in the end (did I mention I'm not to be trusted in such a capacity?)
I took Justin on a brief tour of it last night and even he was impressed. Knowledge really is power and I feel so powerful and motivated now that I have removed the final lingering, crippling, component of guess-work from my goals and plans. It's math, not magic! I'm down 2.6 pounds from where I started, hoping to hit my target by the end of the summer. Slow and steady wins the race. I can do this!
Everyone says "eat less, move more". Well that's great, but how much less and how much more? No more emotional mood decisions about what I put into my face. I examine it for good or for ill and am free to make the informed choice. And sometimes I choose ill, but I do so without guessing about it, and I've been making room to do so without feeling guilty about it either. And less guilt means more inclination to exercise for this all-or-nothing-personality! And frankly, I've been making a lot lot lot more good choices than usual. Talk to me in a few weeks, but right now I'm feeling very powerful.
And to quote a favorite movie: "Exercise give you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people just don't kill their husbands!"
That being said, when Justin took me off guard and tried to tell me that I couldn't have the highly anticipated Stuffed Chicken Marsala dish at the Olive Garden next week (long, boring story, and I won the $ budget negotiation in the end) I completely lost it. I went bonkers and even (unintentionally) broke a dish while slamming things around the kitchen in my crazed state... I'm still obsessed with food, apparently. Baby steps...
I took Justin on a brief tour of it last night and even he was impressed. Knowledge really is power and I feel so powerful and motivated now that I have removed the final lingering, crippling, component of guess-work from my goals and plans. It's math, not magic! I'm down 2.6 pounds from where I started, hoping to hit my target by the end of the summer. Slow and steady wins the race. I can do this!
Everyone says "eat less, move more". Well that's great, but how much less and how much more? No more emotional mood decisions about what I put into my face. I examine it for good or for ill and am free to make the informed choice. And sometimes I choose ill, but I do so without guessing about it, and I've been making room to do so without feeling guilty about it either. And less guilt means more inclination to exercise for this all-or-nothing-personality! And frankly, I've been making a lot lot lot more good choices than usual. Talk to me in a few weeks, but right now I'm feeling very powerful.
And to quote a favorite movie: "Exercise give you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people just don't kill their husbands!"
That being said, when Justin took me off guard and tried to tell me that I couldn't have the highly anticipated Stuffed Chicken Marsala dish at the Olive Garden next week (long, boring story, and I won the $ budget negotiation in the end) I completely lost it. I went bonkers and even (unintentionally) broke a dish while slamming things around the kitchen in my crazed state... I'm still obsessed with food, apparently. Baby steps...
Uh-oh...
She's still cute, right? RIGHT???
I've seen the x-rays, ladies and gentlemen. The future is grim and fraught with extensive orthodontia.
I've also known the girl's mother in uglier times. Let's just say that when the original pictures from the 80's arrived at the orthodontist where I was working a few years ago, the front desk staff thought/announced "the special study case has arrived! And it's a doozy!" Once the permanent horse-teeth-of-Godzilla-proportions erupted in my mouth, I (literally) couldn't close my lips until I was out of braces at 17. Yet, somehow I was at least able to keep all of my teeth and for that I will always be grateful.
Sorry, baby girl! We're gonna have to rely on your sweet spirit to carry you through for a while! You have really been looking forward to losing your top teeth. I, however, have been dreading this day, knowing exactly what's following these sweet, appropriately-sized little baby teeth. You have already had one dentist shake his head in concern. This is gonna be fun :)
I've seen the x-rays, ladies and gentlemen. The future is grim and fraught with extensive orthodontia. I've also known the girl's mother in uglier times. Let's just say that when the original pictures from the 80's arrived at the orthodontist where I was working a few years ago, the front desk staff thought/announced "the special study case has arrived! And it's a doozy!" Once the permanent horse-teeth-of-Godzilla-proportions erupted in my mouth, I (literally) couldn't close my lips until I was out of braces at 17. Yet, somehow I was at least able to keep all of my teeth and for that I will always be grateful.
Sorry, baby girl! We're gonna have to rely on your sweet spirit to carry you through for a while! You have really been looking forward to losing your top teeth. I, however, have been dreading this day, knowing exactly what's following these sweet, appropriately-sized little baby teeth. You have already had one dentist shake his head in concern. This is gonna be fun :)
The Big Boy
Oh, and except for a few two-piece newborn-size outfits, the big man is now wearing 0-3 month clothes!!!
Yeah, so he's 6 and a half months... but still, yay!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Crew Update
Crew has had a busy week. He has been to the pediatrician, had an ultrasound, and worked out with his OT. Phew!
Mighty Crew is Mighty Big now! He is a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces! He is rolling from front to back and almost rolling from back to front, but gets hung up on his elbow. He mostly just gets onto his side, runs into his fingers and slurps on them instead. He is 22 and 1/2 inches, growing 1.5 inches in one month! We remeasured just to be sure. He's growing so fast! He's gaining about 2/3 ounce per day, which is more than any of us expected.
We are really hoping that Dr. D. will be willing to do the second surgical procedure himself because if not, we won't be able to have the surgery next week, even if we are willing to go to Primary's. And with our stupid insurance situation (starting over from scratch June 1 with a brand new deductible), it would be really nice if we could get everything taken care of before the end of May. Since (I think) it would be better for Crew to have them both done at once (I don't think he has to be out for the 2nd one, but I'm not sure yet), it will probably mean that we won't have either procedure done until we can have them both done together. So... keeping fingers crossed that Dr. D. will feel comfortable taking care of the other problem, but we won't find out until next week, probably Tuesday or Wednesday.
He is eating 3-4 ounces at a time now. He gets up once a night to eat and calls for me. He whines loudly and then waits. I keep thinking he'll fall back asleep, but he doesn't. He's ravenous (especially last night when he made it 7 hours). He calls again and waits. We do this 3 or 4 times until I finally drag myself down the hall where he is watching the side of the crib expectantly, waiting to give me a big dimply grin as soon as I appear. I love this hunka-hunka.
Mighty Crew is Mighty Big now! He is a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces! He is rolling from front to back and almost rolling from back to front, but gets hung up on his elbow. He mostly just gets onto his side, runs into his fingers and slurps on them instead. He is 22 and 1/2 inches, growing 1.5 inches in one month! We remeasured just to be sure. He's growing so fast! He's gaining about 2/3 ounce per day, which is more than any of us expected.
We are really hoping that Dr. D. will be willing to do the second surgical procedure himself because if not, we won't be able to have the surgery next week, even if we are willing to go to Primary's. And with our stupid insurance situation (starting over from scratch June 1 with a brand new deductible), it would be really nice if we could get everything taken care of before the end of May. Since (I think) it would be better for Crew to have them both done at once (I don't think he has to be out for the 2nd one, but I'm not sure yet), it will probably mean that we won't have either procedure done until we can have them both done together. So... keeping fingers crossed that Dr. D. will feel comfortable taking care of the other problem, but we won't find out until next week, probably Tuesday or Wednesday.
He is eating 3-4 ounces at a time now. He gets up once a night to eat and calls for me. He whines loudly and then waits. I keep thinking he'll fall back asleep, but he doesn't. He's ravenous (especially last night when he made it 7 hours). He calls again and waits. We do this 3 or 4 times until I finally drag myself down the hall where he is watching the side of the crib expectantly, waiting to give me a big dimply grin as soon as I appear. I love this hunka-hunka.
Angel Friends
Crew and I had a few minutes to ourselves yesterday on our way home from the hospital, so we stopped by the cemetery. Dex's gravestone still hasn't been placed, but the wee tiny little patch of grass right where he is buried is greener, fuller, and more vibrant than the surrounding grasses. It's like his own little natural gravestone, a vibrant little tribute to his short life.
We took a walk and stumbled unexpectedly upon the gravestone of one of Dex's little angel friends, Mercy, who recently joined him. She too has received the "crown without the conflict", though her short life was anything but easy. I know it's not where they really are, not where their spirits are, anyway, but for some reason it makes me feel better to know that they are buried close together, that Dex has a friend in the Angel Garden.
We took a walk and stumbled unexpectedly upon the gravestone of one of Dex's little angel friends, Mercy, who recently joined him. She too has received the "crown without the conflict", though her short life was anything but easy. I know it's not where they really are, not where their spirits are, anyway, but for some reason it makes me feel better to know that they are buried close together, that Dex has a friend in the Angel Garden.
Surgery For Sure
Crew had his ultrasound yesterday and it confirmed what we suspected. One of his hernia sites has reopened and needs to be corrected. He also has a fun new problem, some scar tissue growing over... well, let's just say that some damage was done back in his catheter-wearing days. We should be able to have both problems corrected at the same time, but if Dr. D. isn't comfortable doing the second procedure, we'll have to move our plans to Primary's to have a urologist join in the fun. There is no end to drama with this kid and his nether regions. Ugh!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My Food Diary
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle has always been really easy for me. Except for the diet and exercise part, snort, ha ha!
I have struggled with the all too common "all or nothing" mentality. If I don't eat "perfectly", I think it's pointless to exercise. I realize that's not a rational approach, but I have never been able to overcome that internal philosophy. And believe me, I have tried. In the extreme example, if I see a big fatty meal coming my way in say, three or four days, I figure why exercise at all for the whole week?
Add on top of that sits my complete inability to manage my portions. I am a terrible portion size guesser. If it's something I should eat but don't really want to eat, I underestimate my portion. If it's something I really shouldn't have but really really want, I eat until I have it coming out my nose and possibly my left ear.
Then... I feel guilty and stupid and mad at myself. I can't bring myself to "exercise it off", and to make myself feel better, I have another helping. Many years ago I would resort to throwing it all back up and starting over, but thankfully that is not a condition or struggle that I am currently burdened with.
During this last tax season I was sooooo naughty. I would eat while making dinner, then once it was ready I would eat with the kids. Then when Justin came home from work, I would pretend that I had waited for him and join him for dinner #3. Then after everyone had gone to bed I would make myself another full-size plate after Crew's bedtime bottle.
And I'm still in maternity clothes why?
It's been a rough year and I have turned to food for solace, as many women do in times of trial.
But those days are done and I am ready to take control. I started Slim in 6 again right after tax season. It was a wonderful week, but again I was plagued with the "all or nothing" disease. And when you don't understand portion control it's even more of a problem. After one week of blissful exercise success and unknown eating success, I got mad and stopped working out.
Enter www.myfooddiary.com. My sister Courtney told me about it a few years ago and it has nagged at me for a while. I finally investigated it (along with a bazillion other online food calculators). I never wanted to be a calorie counter, but I see now that for me and my personality, it will be the only way to successfully lose weight. I cannot be trusted to guess the nutritional content of what I am eating and I tend to make most of my eating decisions emotionally. I will either underestimate and be hungry for no reason or overestimate and be mad at myself for no reason. Either way, it's a recipe for disaster.
So, I have signed up for myfooddiary.com and now I know exactly what I am eating. And I even know when I have a few calories to spare at the end of the day for a treat. Or even a McDonald's cheeseburger once in a while. I don't have to leap headlong off the back of the wagon just because I allowed a fry to touch my lips. And I don't have to throw in the towel and finish off the whole pizza just because I ate two slices. I'm so extreme and it makes me nutty sometimes. But knowledge is power and I can see that just knowing what I'm doing daily and averaging weekly is going to make a difference in my success. I don't have to only eat carrots to not feel guilty. I can make room for naughty things without feeling guilty. I know most of you ladies out there already understand this, but it's been a major struggle for me.
I've been doing Slim in 6 and it's been very enjoyable. Kinley joins me sometimes and she's a good little workout partner. I love that the website tracks my exercise too and combines my calories and tells me "if every day were like today, you would lose 1.7 (or whatever it is) pounds per week and reach your weight loss goal by Sept 1 (or whenever)." It even motivated me to clean my house with a timer and some more vigorous effort this afternoon so that I could count it as exercise.
I can see that this is going to be time consuming. As Jillian says "you can't live your life on autopilot anymore". I need to continue planning my meals so that I don't just reach into a bag of potato chips and search for my lunch at the bottom of the sack. And I must make room for exercising and tracking my progress. But I'm determined. I have got to get out of these maternity pants once and for all. If I don't make this a top priority, it is never going to happen.
If I'm successful (I mean when I'm successful) in this venture, I may even be brave enough to post before and after pictures :) So far so good, but it's early yet.
And on a great side note along this topic, I introduced Kinley to kiwi today and she is a fan.
I have struggled with the all too common "all or nothing" mentality. If I don't eat "perfectly", I think it's pointless to exercise. I realize that's not a rational approach, but I have never been able to overcome that internal philosophy. And believe me, I have tried. In the extreme example, if I see a big fatty meal coming my way in say, three or four days, I figure why exercise at all for the whole week?
Add on top of that sits my complete inability to manage my portions. I am a terrible portion size guesser. If it's something I should eat but don't really want to eat, I underestimate my portion. If it's something I really shouldn't have but really really want, I eat until I have it coming out my nose and possibly my left ear.
Then... I feel guilty and stupid and mad at myself. I can't bring myself to "exercise it off", and to make myself feel better, I have another helping. Many years ago I would resort to throwing it all back up and starting over, but thankfully that is not a condition or struggle that I am currently burdened with.
During this last tax season I was sooooo naughty. I would eat while making dinner, then once it was ready I would eat with the kids. Then when Justin came home from work, I would pretend that I had waited for him and join him for dinner #3. Then after everyone had gone to bed I would make myself another full-size plate after Crew's bedtime bottle.
And I'm still in maternity clothes why?
It's been a rough year and I have turned to food for solace, as many women do in times of trial.
But those days are done and I am ready to take control. I started Slim in 6 again right after tax season. It was a wonderful week, but again I was plagued with the "all or nothing" disease. And when you don't understand portion control it's even more of a problem. After one week of blissful exercise success and unknown eating success, I got mad and stopped working out.
Enter www.myfooddiary.com. My sister Courtney told me about it a few years ago and it has nagged at me for a while. I finally investigated it (along with a bazillion other online food calculators). I never wanted to be a calorie counter, but I see now that for me and my personality, it will be the only way to successfully lose weight. I cannot be trusted to guess the nutritional content of what I am eating and I tend to make most of my eating decisions emotionally. I will either underestimate and be hungry for no reason or overestimate and be mad at myself for no reason. Either way, it's a recipe for disaster.
So, I have signed up for myfooddiary.com and now I know exactly what I am eating. And I even know when I have a few calories to spare at the end of the day for a treat. Or even a McDonald's cheeseburger once in a while. I don't have to leap headlong off the back of the wagon just because I allowed a fry to touch my lips. And I don't have to throw in the towel and finish off the whole pizza just because I ate two slices. I'm so extreme and it makes me nutty sometimes. But knowledge is power and I can see that just knowing what I'm doing daily and averaging weekly is going to make a difference in my success. I don't have to only eat carrots to not feel guilty. I can make room for naughty things without feeling guilty. I know most of you ladies out there already understand this, but it's been a major struggle for me.
I've been doing Slim in 6 and it's been very enjoyable. Kinley joins me sometimes and she's a good little workout partner. I love that the website tracks my exercise too and combines my calories and tells me "if every day were like today, you would lose 1.7 (or whatever it is) pounds per week and reach your weight loss goal by Sept 1 (or whenever)." It even motivated me to clean my house with a timer and some more vigorous effort this afternoon so that I could count it as exercise.
I can see that this is going to be time consuming. As Jillian says "you can't live your life on autopilot anymore". I need to continue planning my meals so that I don't just reach into a bag of potato chips and search for my lunch at the bottom of the sack. And I must make room for exercising and tracking my progress. But I'm determined. I have got to get out of these maternity pants once and for all. If I don't make this a top priority, it is never going to happen.
If I'm successful (I mean when I'm successful) in this venture, I may even be brave enough to post before and after pictures :) So far so good, but it's early yet.
And on a great side note along this topic, I introduced Kinley to kiwi today and she is a fan.
Is He So Cute or WHAT?
How did I get so lucky? How do I have a baby that is so ridiculously cute and so happy and sweet-natured? I never tire of gazing at the beautiful little face on this shameless little flirt. 
Escala Final Post... Maybe
With 2 suites, 5 bedrooms, a loft, two kitchens, 15 mouths to feed, 2 Wii consoles, 8 flat screen televisions of various sizes, and more than a dozen board games, there was plenty to do.
What's a party without a little Guitar Hero? Our three accountants got pretty wild.
To steal a quote from my friend Katie, here is my Guitar Hero "Sexy Beast".
Adam and Alex catching a flick.
Stevie, Kinley and Sammy playing a little Wii in the loft.
Team Guitar Hero.
The Daddies playing board games with the kids while the Mommies take off for the outlet mall.
Playing "Trouble".
Crew was charming the entire weekend, even though he didn't feel well for part of the trip. He had his first illness, with a stuffy nose, fever, and suspected sore throat, but he weathered it like a champ!
He was very flirtatious and happy all weekend. Smile for Mandee!
What's a party without a little Guitar Hero? Our three accountants got pretty wild.
To steal a quote from my friend Katie, here is my Guitar Hero "Sexy Beast".
Adam and Alex catching a flick.
Stevie, Kinley and Sammy playing a little Wii in the loft.
Team Guitar Hero.
The Daddies playing board games with the kids while the Mommies take off for the outlet mall. 
Playing "Trouble".
Crew was charming the entire weekend, even though he didn't feel well for part of the trip. He had his first illness, with a stuffy nose, fever, and suspected sore throat, but he weathered it like a champ! 
He was very flirtatious and happy all weekend. Smile for Mandee!
The Pool(s)
Here is a picture of all of the crazies together. Minus Crew, who was napping in the sling. It was so. much. fun. 9 kids on vacation together and nary a skirmish between them. Adam, Alex, Sammy, Kinley, Anne, Stevie, Bjorn, and Tanner. They had a blast playing together, and I'm so pleased that they get along so well. 
We spent a lot of time in the pool. Escala has four year-round pools of various depths and temperatures. Here is Bjorn doing a little solo splashing.
Sammy exploring the mini-waterfall.
Merrit and Alex
Sammy being King of the Mountain in the 37-person hot tub.
The grumpy swimmers.
Water fun with Daddy.
Just chillin'
Even Crew enjoyed a little poolside relaxation under the awning.
We spent a lot of time in the pool. Escala has four year-round pools of various depths and temperatures. Here is Bjorn doing a little solo splashing. 
Sammy exploring the mini-waterfall.
Merrit and Alex
Sammy being King of the Mountain in the 37-person hot tub.
The grumpy swimmers.
Water fun with Daddy.
Just chillin'
Even Crew enjoyed a little poolside relaxation under the awning.
The Self-Tour
Our friends didn't arrive until Friday afternoon, so we enjoyed a nice leisurely breakfast together as a family before the anticipated chaos. 
Even Crew was happy to be on vacation!
Justin worked in the morning in the office down the hall from our suite, so we took ourselves on a self-guided tour of the premises. Justin took us on a more in-depth tour later in the weekend.
Crew absolutely loves his sling and I am so happy to have it. I can't believe how comfortable and convenient it is. I wish I had become a believer a few babies ago.
Kinley and Tanner were thrilled with the piano that played all by itself.
We toured the fitness facility. I introduced my children to their first treadmill. No, they had never seen one before except on The Biggest Loser. (It explains so much about the 5th picture in this post, the one with the orange heffalump holding the beautiful baby.)
It took Tanner a few attempts to master the complexity of the experience.
But he eventually got it!
Go, girl! Go!
Even Crew was happy to be on vacation!
Justin worked in the morning in the office down the hall from our suite, so we took ourselves on a self-guided tour of the premises. Justin took us on a more in-depth tour later in the weekend.
Crew absolutely loves his sling and I am so happy to have it. I can't believe how comfortable and convenient it is. I wish I had become a believer a few babies ago. 
Kinley and Tanner were thrilled with the piano that played all by itself.
We toured the fitness facility. I introduced my children to their first treadmill. No, they had never seen one before except on The Biggest Loser. (It explains so much about the 5th picture in this post, the one with the orange heffalump holding the beautiful baby.)
It took Tanner a few attempts to master the complexity of the experience.
But he eventually got it!
Go, girl! Go!
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