Tonight while listening to Tracy Chapman's "The Promise" on an endless loop, I decided that I'm finally ready to share how this song came to be My Dex Song.♥
My dear friend Kat and I served briefly as mission companions in Riga, Latvia in 1998. When we returned to the states, we took a road trip together to St. George to visit "our other parents", the Welches. Some may remember Keith when he spoke at Dex's funeral. On this long drive, Kat introduced me to the song and I fell in love with it immediately. I listened to it for several weeks before forgetting about it for 9 years.
In October 2008, Kinley was in morning Kindergarten and still took afternoon naps on occasion. One such afternoon a few weeks before the boys were born, Kinley and Tanner were napping at the same time and I had some hours of solitude.
In the peace and stillness of the rare silence I felt an immense urge to find a special song. Not just any song, but a song that would be my song if Dex died. To say that I felt morbid doing it would be putting it mildly. I never would have admitted it to anyone, yet I felt overwhelmingly driven to complete the task. It took less than 5 minutes to find the right song, a song I hadn't thought about in almost a decade.
I listened to it on an endless loop, much as I have tonight. I cried and cried until I had no tears left. I knew exactly which baby I was mourning. I knew it wasn't Crew and I knew that it wasn't both of the babies. That afternoon was all about finding peace in saying goodbye to Dex. I sat in our home office and mourned the loss of a baby that I had no intention of ever losing.
When I couldn't shed one more drop, I brushed myself off, calmed the hysteria, and promptly blamed hormones and lack of sleep. I never confessed to Justin how I had spent my afternoon because obviously only a crazy person would pass her time in such a fashion. I felt so macabre.
I didn't even think about that experience again until a few weeks later. When I sat in the hospital in similar solitude, grieving the sudden and unexpected loss of my Dex. Again. And needed a song.
I was in no mental or emotional condition then to be trolling the internet for lyrics to express my feelings. I count it as a very tender mercy that I had the perfect lullaby already chosen. I think of it as what Dex would say to me if he could.
I've been thinking a lot lately about tender mercies, ever since I stumbled upon a reference in 1 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. It says in 1:20 "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."
I believe the Lord gives us these wonderful tender mercies with purpose, to strengthen us against the battle. This tiny little gift that seemed so insignificant (and kinda strange) at the time, was a valuable piece of armor that would help deliver me in the end.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Banana Boy
Speaking of granted wishes...
6 months ago I was watching one of Crew's much younger friends feed himself a trayful of cheerios and other assorted munchies. I remember wondering at the time if Crew would ever feed himself! In the last month, Crew has taken a sudden interest in making this very important step toward independence. He can't yet feed himself cheerios, but he swallows them and doesn't gag if I put them in his mouth. He is eating Mum-Mums, of course. He is also eating slices of bread (what??) and even pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch--by himself. Yesterday I thought I'd try out something new...
Same designer outfit as the last post. Different day.
It was a tiny banana, but he ate about half of it! He spread the other half all over himself, earning a nice warm bath.
6 months ago I was watching one of Crew's much younger friends feed himself a trayful of cheerios and other assorted munchies. I remember wondering at the time if Crew would ever feed himself! In the last month, Crew has taken a sudden interest in making this very important step toward independence. He can't yet feed himself cheerios, but he swallows them and doesn't gag if I put them in his mouth. He is eating Mum-Mums, of course. He is also eating slices of bread (what??) and even pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch--by himself. Yesterday I thought I'd try out something new...
Same designer outfit as the last post. Different day.
It was a tiny banana, but he ate about half of it! He spread the other half all over himself, earning a nice warm bath.
Head, Shoulders, KNEES
To the untrained eye, this may not look like a big deal. But this is Crew doing physical therapy, balancing ever-so-precariously on his chubby little knees!! I have to put him there and make sure he is stabilized, but I can now let go for about a minute while he plays on his knees. It's all part of the pre-crawling puzzle. This kid is going to be getting into stuff before we know it! Then I'll be saying "be careful what you wish for!" 
Sesame Chicken
My friend Emily recommended The Rookie Cookie website for yummy recipes. A quick perusal of Rookie's listings landed me in the arms of her Sesame Chicken. Mmmm... no more Panda Express for us.
Sesame Chicken
Ingredients
2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed of any fat and cut into bite-size pieces
2 Tbsp flour
salt and ground pepper
2 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp sesame seeds
1 stalk green onion, chopped**
2 cups white or brown rice, cooked according to package directions
In a bowl, combine soy sauce and sugar and stir well to combine. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine chicken pieces and flour. Season with salt and pepper. Stir well to combine.
Heat olive oil in a large skillet over high heat. Once hot, add chicken. Cook, stirring often, until cooked through, about 5-10 minutes, depending on how large or small your pieces are.
Transfer chicken pieces onto a plate and put the pan back on the heat. Stir the soy sauce mixture again (some of the sugar will have settled in the bottom) and pour the soy sauce mixture into the pan. With a wooden spoon, scrape the cooked bits on the bottom of the pan while the soy sauce mixture simmer. Let simmer for 2 minutes, until slightly thickened. Add the chicken back into the pan. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top and toss well, coating all the chicken pieces in the soy mixture.
Serve over rice and garnish with green onions.
Yields 6 servings.
**Do try not to leave out the green onions. The tiny bit of Asian flavor that they add is very nice and really helps bring it all together.
For more of our family's most favorite recipes, please visit Vittles Divine.
Sesame Chicken
Ingredients
2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed of any fat and cut into bite-size pieces
2 Tbsp flour
salt and ground pepper
2 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp sesame seeds
1 stalk green onion, chopped**
2 cups white or brown rice, cooked according to package directions
In a bowl, combine soy sauce and sugar and stir well to combine. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine chicken pieces and flour. Season with salt and pepper. Stir well to combine.
Heat olive oil in a large skillet over high heat. Once hot, add chicken. Cook, stirring often, until cooked through, about 5-10 minutes, depending on how large or small your pieces are.
Transfer chicken pieces onto a plate and put the pan back on the heat. Stir the soy sauce mixture again (some of the sugar will have settled in the bottom) and pour the soy sauce mixture into the pan. With a wooden spoon, scrape the cooked bits on the bottom of the pan while the soy sauce mixture simmer. Let simmer for 2 minutes, until slightly thickened. Add the chicken back into the pan. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top and toss well, coating all the chicken pieces in the soy mixture.
Serve over rice and garnish with green onions.
Yields 6 servings.
**Do try not to leave out the green onions. The tiny bit of Asian flavor that they add is very nice and really helps bring it all together.
For more of our family's most favorite recipes, please visit Vittles Divine.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Boys Stink
Honestly. Is it just my house? My farty little 4-year-old boy is so much stinkier than my girl ever was. Snuggling on the couch doing his reading lesson makes my eyes water. I let him play games on Playhouse Disney.com yesterday when Crew's PT was here and I almost asphyxiated when I walked into the office after she left. He is so intentionally stinky sometimes that I pity the fellow grocery shoppers who suffer in his odiferous wake. Forget off-shore drilling. I've got yer endless natural gas supply sleeping right upstairs. Poor Kinley has the top bunk.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Physical Therapy
Crew had his PT appointment this morning with Julie and it went very well. He is making progress with his pre-crawling skills, which is exciting. He won't be crawling for a while yet, but we have every confidence that he'll get there eventually; my guess would be before summer. On a side note, Kinley crawled for more than 6 months and we went through a lot of holey knees and scuffed shoe-tops. We predict that Crew will take after Kinley in this regard, as he has in so many others.
Crew is also very playful, taking turns with games and sounds. Today while snuggled in Julie's arms, he reached up to touch her face and she made a kissy sound and he dropped his hand. Then he would smile and raise it back to her face until she made the kissy sound again and he would drop it. He did this many times. Later, he heard me telling Julie that we think he says "Da-da" purposefully and he started shouting it at us. He knows who his Da-da is, I'm convinced of it.
Crew is also very playful, taking turns with games and sounds. Today while snuggled in Julie's arms, he reached up to touch her face and she made a kissy sound and he dropped his hand. Then he would smile and raise it back to her face until she made the kissy sound again and he would drop it. He did this many times. Later, he heard me telling Julie that we think he says "Da-da" purposefully and he started shouting it at us. He knows who his Da-da is, I'm convinced of it.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Spinach Pasta Salad
I originally got this yummy recipe from my sister, Heather. I love it and make it all the time. I have been working on it for a few years, tweaking to maximize taste and texture while minimizing caloric content. I'm there!*
Salad:
1/2 lb. rotini pasta, cooked al dente, drain, rinse in cold water
1.5 C cooked chopped chicken
4 cups fresh spinach, shredded/torn
1/2 C black olives, chopped in 1/4’s
2 oz. Feta cheese, crumbled
1.5 cups diced tomtatoes (grape tomatoes, YUM!)
1/2 C monterrey jack cheese, shredded
Dressing:
1 Tbs Dijon mustard
4 Tbs olive oil
5 Tbs vinegar
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 Tbs honey
1 clove garlic, minced
Blend dressing ingredients. Pour over mixed salad. Refrigerate 20-30 minutes before serving. Salt to taste at table.
*This makes 12 delicious 1-cup servings, 178 calories each. Not bad for all that pasta and cheese!
To see more of our family's most favorite, "best of the best" recipes, visit Vittles Divine.
Salad:
1/2 lb. rotini pasta, cooked al dente, drain, rinse in cold water
1.5 C cooked chopped chicken
4 cups fresh spinach, shredded/torn
1/2 C black olives, chopped in 1/4’s
2 oz. Feta cheese, crumbled
1.5 cups diced tomtatoes (grape tomatoes, YUM!)
1/2 C monterrey jack cheese, shredded
Dressing:
1 Tbs Dijon mustard
4 Tbs olive oil
5 Tbs vinegar
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 Tbs honey
1 clove garlic, minced
Blend dressing ingredients. Pour over mixed salad. Refrigerate 20-30 minutes before serving. Salt to taste at table.
*This makes 12 delicious 1-cup servings, 178 calories each. Not bad for all that pasta and cheese!
To see more of our family's most favorite, "best of the best" recipes, visit Vittles Divine.
Baby Mum Mums
I discovered the most interesting treat in the baby aisle last week. Baby Mum Mums. They are rice husks, tasty little quick-dissolving munchies in the perfect shape for tiny, undisciplined mitts. This is the first thing that Crew has been able to really eat independently. He doesn't just mangle it or suck on it until it's spread from ear to ear. It's fragile enough that he can actually bite off little pieces and it's big enough and well-crafted enough for him to manipulate successfully to the bitter end. And it dissolves almost immediately; he hasn't gagged or choked on it one time. It's the perfect item for him at this stage! It says right on the box that it's "no mess" and they aren't kidding. The clean-up is minimal, mostly on his sticky little slobbery rice-hands. I thought I'd pass the word for anyone looking for a good starter-munchie!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dear Winter,
Go away.
Sincerely,
Megan
P.S. If it makes you feel less picked on, I promise to complain almost as much about the blistering summer sun.
Sincerely,
Megan
P.S. If it makes you feel less picked on, I promise to complain almost as much about the blistering summer sun.
Friday, February 19, 2010
On The Mend
I am recovering from some nasty little stomach virus that knocked me flat yesterday. I'm feeling mostly human today. I'd like to extend a very special thank you to Mickey, Minnie, Agent Oso, Dora, Diego, Tom, Jerry, Little Einsteins, Handy Manny, the town of Chuggington, the good folks in the 100 acre woods, and the entire cast of Imagination Movers for having my back.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
V-Day Fallout
Anyone who knows me well understands that I have deep-seeded Valentine's issues from my childhood. Elementary school v-day parties make me itch.
I found out late last night that they have been doing this super lame Valentine's mailbox this week in Kinley's classroom where kids delivered secret notes to their friends (or the popular kids) in a stupid group mailbox on the teacher's desk. They were passed out today. Had I realized in advance that today was Delivery Day, I would have kept her home. Mercifully, Kinley did receive one. While I'm not thrilled that she came home with "Kinley Loves Michel" emblazoned in marker across her hand, I am relieved that the little love-postcard from heaven that he sent to her in the mailbox has spared her untold years of therapy (unlike this post, of course). You only need one when it's from Michel. And when it says such intimate things...
Kinley has often described to me Michel's impeccable penmanship and it has certainly lived up to expectation.
Nevertheless, we did discuss the appropriateness of wearing our affection on our sleeve, ahem... our hands.
Mommy: Kinley, how old are you?
Kinley: I'm seven. I'm plenty old enough to be in love.
Mommy: You are old enough to like a boy and be friends. Not to like-like a boy and certainly not to love a boy. And we do not write "I love anyone" on our hands.
Kinley (grabbing my face in her hands and staring me straight in the eye): Did you?
Mommy (wincing): No.
Kinley: You're lying!
Mommy: Kinley, you are seven. We are not boy crazy and we do not have boyfriends at seven. And stop rolling your eyes!
Kinley: Fine. Ok. I won't be in love.
Mommy: Good. But it was a very nice Valentine note from Michel. You got one more than I ever got when I was your age in one of these things!!
Kinley: Really? How is that even possible? You raised me to be so sweet! That must have come from you being so sweet! Who wouldn't give you a valentine?
Where was she in my life 25 years ago? I'm going to hear "you raised me to be so sweet!" in my mind all night long. And I will continue to giggle.
I found out late last night that they have been doing this super lame Valentine's mailbox this week in Kinley's classroom where kids delivered secret notes to their friends (or the popular kids) in a stupid group mailbox on the teacher's desk. They were passed out today. Had I realized in advance that today was Delivery Day, I would have kept her home. Mercifully, Kinley did receive one. While I'm not thrilled that she came home with "Kinley Loves Michel" emblazoned in marker across her hand, I am relieved that the little love-postcard from heaven that he sent to her in the mailbox has spared her untold years of therapy (unlike this post, of course). You only need one when it's from Michel. And when it says such intimate things...
Kinley has often described to me Michel's impeccable penmanship and it has certainly lived up to expectation.
Nevertheless, we did discuss the appropriateness of wearing our affection on our sleeve, ahem... our hands.
Mommy: Kinley, how old are you?
Kinley: I'm seven. I'm plenty old enough to be in love.
Mommy: You are old enough to like a boy and be friends. Not to like-like a boy and certainly not to love a boy. And we do not write "I love anyone" on our hands.
Kinley (grabbing my face in her hands and staring me straight in the eye): Did you?
Mommy (wincing): No.
Kinley: You're lying!
Mommy: Kinley, you are seven. We are not boy crazy and we do not have boyfriends at seven. And stop rolling your eyes!
Kinley: Fine. Ok. I won't be in love.
Mommy: Good. But it was a very nice Valentine note from Michel. You got one more than I ever got when I was your age in one of these things!!
Kinley: Really? How is that even possible? You raised me to be so sweet! That must have come from you being so sweet! Who wouldn't give you a valentine?
Where was she in my life 25 years ago? I'm going to hear "you raised me to be so sweet!" in my mind all night long. And I will continue to giggle.
If I Had A Dime...
I feel like a broken record sometimes.
"Tanner, stop touching the tape measure and stop farting right next to me!! Go to the bathroom, for crying out loud!"
The Man
I married an extremely hard working man. He has always felt driven to keep us stable and solvent, making many personal sacrifices to do so. At least he loves being an accountant. And he's good at it. Many mornings recently I have had to call him to ask what unearthly hour he left for work because I slept right through his departure. He thought he was funny this morning making the bed, while I was still in it.
There is something exciting, rewarding, and terrifying about owning your own business, but I know that if anyone can succeed, my Justin can. Tax season is in full swing and he's never home. It's only February. Yikes! I know from experience that it only gets hairier from here!
I've been keeping him plied with his favorite comfort foods: sandwiches and tacos. We mostly have an i-relationship, communicating via email and texting. I'm looking forward to April 16th.
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work?"
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
He's One Of Ours
Crew usually wakes up early and hollers for us to come fetch him. I always lay him down to sleep on his back and when I check on him in the middle of the night, he has rolled onto his side.
In the morning, I often find that he has rolled himself onto his belly. This morning he slept later than usual and I needed to sneak into his room to get something out of the closet. I discovered that he doesn't just roll onto his belly in the morning after he wakes up. He also apparently can sleep that way. He was snooooooozing very comfortably flat on his belly. Just like everyone else in the family. He's definitely one of ours!
In the morning, I often find that he has rolled himself onto his belly. This morning he slept later than usual and I needed to sneak into his room to get something out of the closet. I discovered that he doesn't just roll onto his belly in the morning after he wakes up. He also apparently can sleep that way. He was snooooooozing very comfortably flat on his belly. Just like everyone else in the family. He's definitely one of ours!
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Pooper
Let me put it to you this way:
My baby poops so often that when I change just a wet diaper, it feels strange.
My baby poops so often that when I change just a wet diaper, it feels strange.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Baked Ziti
For Valentine's Day, I made a delicious baked ziti for the family. It was extremely easy and just as delicious! I see why it had such high ratings on allrecipes.com unlike that disastrous, accursed "World's Best Lasagne". (Fennel? Really? I'm still bitter.)
INGREDIENTS
1 pound dry ziti pasta
2 cups onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic
1 pound lean ground beef
2 (26 ounce) jars spaghetti sauce**
6 ounces provolone cheese, sliced
1 and 1/2 cups sour cream (fat-free is OK)
6 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded
3 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese
DIRECTIONS
Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add ziti pasta, and cook until al dente; drain.
In a large skillet, brown onion, garlic and ground beef over medium heat. Add spaghetti sauce; warm through.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly oil or spray a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Layer as follows:
1/2 of the ziti
Sour Cream
Provolone cheese
1/2 sauce mixture
remaining ziti
mozzarella cheese
remaining sauce mixture
Top with grated Parmesan cheese.
Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until cheeses are melted.
Allow to rest on counter for 3 to 5 minutes before serving. Enjoy!!
**Be sure to buy a nice, flavorful sauce or it will be bland! We chose Ragu Mama's Special Garden Sauce and it was a great choice.
For more of our family's most favorite recipes, visit Vittles Divine.
INGREDIENTS
1 pound dry ziti pasta
2 cups onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic
1 pound lean ground beef
2 (26 ounce) jars spaghetti sauce**
6 ounces provolone cheese, sliced
1 and 1/2 cups sour cream (fat-free is OK)
6 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded
3 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese
DIRECTIONS
Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add ziti pasta, and cook until al dente; drain.
In a large skillet, brown onion, garlic and ground beef over medium heat. Add spaghetti sauce; warm through.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly oil or spray a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Layer as follows:
1/2 of the ziti
Sour Cream
Provolone cheese
1/2 sauce mixture
remaining ziti
mozzarella cheese
remaining sauce mixture
Top with grated Parmesan cheese.
Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until cheeses are melted.
Allow to rest on counter for 3 to 5 minutes before serving. Enjoy!!
**Be sure to buy a nice, flavorful sauce or it will be bland! We chose Ragu Mama's Special Garden Sauce and it was a great choice.
For more of our family's most favorite recipes, visit Vittles Divine.
Happy Valentine's Day
Now that Kinley is all blinged out in her earrings, Tanner has decided that she is too beautiful to marry anyone but him. He will not be dissuaded. Love is in the air.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Happy Birthday, Kinley!
My favorite gal turned 7 years old this week!!
I surprised her with butterfly cupcakes at school. She is sitting at her teacher's desk in this picture. She was so excited and felt very special. Her birthday was also coincidentally the 100th day of school so the entire day was spent in celebration; note the crown.
Mama and her gal.
After school I surprised her again by taking her to Claire's to get her ears pierced! She has been waiting a long time for this magic day.
Getting nervous...
"What was I thinking? How much is this going to hurt exactly?"
"Well, that wasn't so bad at all. Bring on ear #2!"
Her first peek at the new bling.
Totally worth it.
For dinner some of us at pizza. Others mangled pizza crust.
We opened presents.
Thanks, Nana and Papa! This one will take her a good long time and she's very excited!
Thanks, Laney! These slippers also double as zhu-zhu pet beds in a pinch. Just so you know.
I know what you're thinking, but no, Tanner didn't decorate this cake. I did it all by myself! Would you like to hire me for your next event?
Proof that Daddy came home from work early to participate in the festivities.
Happy Birthday, Kinley!!
I surprised her with butterfly cupcakes at school. She is sitting at her teacher's desk in this picture. She was so excited and felt very special. Her birthday was also coincidentally the 100th day of school so the entire day was spent in celebration; note the crown.
Mama and her gal.
After school I surprised her again by taking her to Claire's to get her ears pierced! She has been waiting a long time for this magic day.
Getting nervous...
"What was I thinking? How much is this going to hurt exactly?" 
"Well, that wasn't so bad at all. Bring on ear #2!"
Her first peek at the new bling.
Totally worth it.
For dinner some of us at pizza. Others mangled pizza crust. 
We opened presents.
Thanks, Nana and Papa! This one will take her a good long time and she's very excited!
Thanks, Laney! These slippers also double as zhu-zhu pet beds in a pinch. Just so you know.
I know what you're thinking, but no, Tanner didn't decorate this cake. I did it all by myself! Would you like to hire me for your next event?
Proof that Daddy came home from work early to participate in the festivities.
Happy Birthday, Kinley!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Laundry Luxury
Why watch a cartoon on Mommy's bed when you can dump out half the clothes in the hamper instead?
Sassy Seat Baby
Now that he's a stable sitter, he likes joining the big kids at the bar in his Sassy Seat (thanks, Laney!) when they are doing interesting things. He still eats in his regular high chair, though we have been able to remove almost all of his foam seat inserts.
You want to kiss him, huh?
You want to kiss him, huh?
Sleepwalker
Kinley stayed home from school one day last week. She spent half of her nap in her bed before sleepwalking down to the couch. She woke up very confused...
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