It's still hard to know how much Crew understands, but we talk about Dex openly and frequently. We never want to have to have "the talk" with him. You know, the "by the way, you have a twin brother and he died" talk. As Crew has become more cognitively aware of this world, his direct connection and daily interaction with Dex seems to be diminishing. He no longer waves to him, calls to him across the room by name, or laughs at some private joke they are sharing. We knew that it would eventually happen, but it's bittersweet.
Happy Memorial Day to Dex, and all those who have gone before us. We remember you today and always.
We felt our family incomplete
And hoped to add some more.
"Three!" the darling dad announced.
But I thought maybe four.
I prayed for strength, I prayed for help,
I said we wouldn't mind.
This was His chance to send them both;
"Please don't leave one behind."
I suspected very early
But I still wasn't prepared.
When the doctor said "you're having twins!"
I laughed, but felt so scared.
Daddy was in shock that day
"What happened to the plan?
You prayed for what? You crazy girl!
Now we have to drive a van!"
We prayed to feel God's comfort
To know it all would be ok.
"They'll be just fine", we knew it then
And remember still today.
The funny thing about answers
With our understanding flawed,
Is that "fine" did not mean what we thought.
"Fine" was something else to God.
The months wore on, our babies grew;
We found out they were boys!
We eagerly anticipated
The love, the work, the joys.
We bought several matching outfits,
We used family and friends
To help us make it through the worst,
To hold on to the end.
Then unexpectedly one night
We had to call our neighbor.
My water broke, we had to go;
I had started preterm labor.
All hell broke loose, it was so fast;
I woke up with the dawn.
My husband had to tell me that
Our little one was gone.
They brought his quiet body
To my room for me to hold.
I felt his valiant spirit then,
So noble, strong, and bold.
He touched our lives so deeply.
Such a tiny little guy!
We spent the day together
Before we said goodbye.
We mourned his death, the crushing blow,
One foot before the other.
Then turned to battle once again;
We had to save his brother.
While grieving for the loss of Dex,
We fought to keep our Crew.
We knew his brother strove with him;
We felt his presence too.
"Your darling may not make it,"
They all told us many times.
We took the NICU rollercoaster
With its inherent dips and climbs.
Surgeries and setbacks
Became the "normal" for our lives.
We never had a guarantee
That this brother would survive.
Survive, he did, and beat the odds!
He came home three months later.
Our joy is full, our hearts at peace,
Just one thing would make it greater.
In sleep reposed, we see his face,
The one he shares with Crew.
Our angel Dex, so loved, so dear,
We wish we had him too.
Remembering Dex, Memorial Day 2011
It's Memorial Day, my tiny son,
And I doubt that I'm the only one
Whose thoughts are with a child they've lost,
Whose path has on to Heaven crossed.
I miss you more than you could know;
I wish things hadn't turned out so.
You've seen me cry a thousand tears,
Millions maybe, these past two years.
Some say they couldn't bear the thought
Of all the ache your death has brought.
To them I just cannot explain:
Your death has given more than pain.
Our time, while brief, was filled with joy,
My darling, precious, angel boy.
I'd never known such peace, such love;
The things I learned I can't speak of.
I live my life to see your face
In our appointed time and place.
For now I'll work, I'll learn, and do.
Family forever, I KNOW it's true.
